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Nancy Parker Brummett

Nancy Parker Brummett

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Friendships and “Furships”

February 26, 2020 by Nancy 20 Comments

Molly on MantelHow would we get through life without our friends—or the fur friends we love so much? This has been a sad and silent week in our home. We had to say goodbye to our sweet cat, Molly, last week. I never realized how much her meows—with different intonations for each communication—had become such a part of the soundtrack of our lives for the past 16 years until they were gone. The silence is deafening.

Her physical absence is agonizing, too. She’s not by the door asking to go out on the deck. She’s not getting me up to feed her, or sitting on my lap early in the morning as I have my quiet time. (I’ve actually had to set an alarm this week.) She’s not sidling up to my husband Jim for some extra pats in front of the fire, or jumping from his lap to mine and back again as the three of us settle in to watch TV in the evening. She’s simply not here. And we miss our fur friend.Molly and Pansies

This is when the human friendships we have mean more than ever, however! Those friends with pets, or who have been loved by pets in the past, truly know the pain of losing a fur friend who was part of the rhythm of daily life. The first day Molly was gone a neighbor stopped by with a card, a bottle of wine, and the time to just sit and talk about Molly for a bit. A true friend.

Messages from friends on Facebook were so kind: “My heart breaks for you.” “She was such a sweet kitty.” “I’m so very sorry for your loss.” Please know that I know losing a pet doesn’t compare to losing a sibling, a parent, or a spouse. But it is a loss nonetheless, and it’s so sweet when friends come alongside to acknowledge it. A friend from afar texted, “Many, many of my best friends have had fur, and many of my best memories are of them. I’m sorry you have lost your friend. You’ll have your memories forever.” So true.

Pet therapy from my friend Beth's collie, Maisie, and her fur friend Duchess.
Pet therapy from my friend Beth’s collie, Maisie, and her fur friend Duchess.

The long phone calls that included laughter, the notes and cards that came in the mail, the friend who invited me over for some sympathy licks from her dog, all of it helped this week. And all of it underscored the fact that we need one another.

It didn’t surprise me to read that a new book by science journalist Lydia Denworth, Friendship: The Evolution, Biology, and Extraordinary Power of Life’s Fundamental Bond, includes research proving that friendship is not only good for our emotional health but for our physical health as well. Bottom line: People with at least one good friend tend to live longer, happier lives. No surprise, but good to have the scientific confirmation.

So cherish your human friends and your fur friends—nurture your friendships and your “furships.” Give of yourself generously, and you will be so very blessed in return.

Filed Under: Back Porch Break Tagged With: comfort, Denworth, friends, Friendship, fur friends, Loss, pet therapy, pets

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Beth Lueders says

    February 27, 2020 at 10:44 am

    Nancy, what a tender tribute to deeply-loved and deeply-missed Molly. Thank you for relating so well to those of us who have dared to love and create furships. You were one of the first friends who showed up at my doorstep last February when I unexpectedly lost my three-year-old dog. You gave of yourself generously that day to just sit and cry with me. I know many, many others are bringing you a similar comfort now. Thank you for sharing both your heart and your Molly with us.

    Reply
    • Nancy says

      February 27, 2020 at 3:44 pm

      Thank you, Beth! And I loved my “pet therapy” session with Maisie and Duchess! Love you all.

      Reply
  2. Jimmie Bohannon says

    February 27, 2020 at 11:13 am

    Now I know…so sorry!
    Love you,
    Jimmie

    Reply
    • Nancy says

      February 27, 2020 at 3:45 pm

      Thank you, Jimmie.

      Reply
  3. Peggy Lovelace Ellis says

    February 27, 2020 at 11:21 am

    Nancy, I can’t empathize–I’m allergic to both dogs and cats, so I’ve never had a fur-friend. Nevertheless, I can sympathize with your loneliness without Molly. Years ago, I read a definition of loneliness that doesn’t appear in any dictionary, but I believe it is the best one. Loneliness isn’t simply being alone. It’s being without a particular person. That should apply to fur-friends also.

    Reply
    • Nancy says

      February 27, 2020 at 3:46 pm

      I love that definition, Peggy. And it definitely applies to losing Molly!

      Reply
  4. Mary Ooley says

    February 27, 2020 at 12:00 pm

    Nancy-
    Grief is just love with no place to go.
    Those of us who have loved and lost pets understand the grieving you are experiencing about Molly. How blessed we are to have lovely pets in our lives!

    Reply
    • Nancy says

      February 27, 2020 at 3:46 pm

      Oh, Mary, I love that definition and will remember it when even bigger griefs come my way. Thank you.

      Reply
  5. Cindy Penchoff says

    February 27, 2020 at 2:08 pm

    What a sweet tribute to a pet that provided so much company and companionship! Love you my sweet friend!

    Reply
    • Nancy says

      February 27, 2020 at 3:47 pm

      Love you, too, and thank you for the well-timed hug that got me through the hardest day!

      Reply
  6. Cheryl Freeman says

    February 27, 2020 at 2:44 pm

    As the years have passed I recall your 2 goldens coming to my front door during a rainstorm when we lived on Briarcrest. They charged out of the stormy conditions to track a bit of mud and lots of water and dog hair with some well establisher ruffles of fur. You got home and rescued them from our house. Fun memories.

    We have Bobber our 13 yr old golden retriever who is doing pretty well. We know he is not going to be a resident at our house forever but we are savoring every moment we have with him. Yes, he does have different sounds for different needs. He loves to see himself in reflections of mirrors, oven doors or a windowed door. I guess he is checking out the changes in his fur colors that we all go through. He’s a bit more demanding than in his earlier years but loved very much every day. You send our sympathies in the loss of your cat. A new furry friend can always find a good home at your house, something to consider.

    Reply
    • Nancy says

      February 27, 2020 at 3:48 pm

      They WERE escape artists, Cheryl. Thanks again for taking them in–mud and all. Pets can be messy, but they are worth it!!

      Reply
  7. Jan Keller says

    February 27, 2020 at 4:37 pm

    The cycle of life is real … and dealing with it can truly cause pain. Allow yourself to feel that pain along with the joy of your memories. Through your grief and your writing, you have eased the pain I, and so many others, have felt over the years in similar circumstances. Thank you for sharing your heart! Hugs, prayers … and I promise to keep both headed your way!

    Reply
    • Nancy says

      February 28, 2020 at 10:02 am

      Thank you, my friend! I know you’ve had your share of pet losses over the years. I appreciate your kind words.

      Reply
  8. Maria McConnell says

    February 27, 2020 at 10:25 pm

    Oh, Nancy, my heart breaks for you. I know how much you have loved the kitties you have had over the years. I was so sorry to hear about Molly. I have never seen someone care so deeply and sincerely for a pet as you cared for yours. I love that you used to leave the radio on for her when you were gone and just intuitively knew that she liked that. Molly was a lucky cat to have you for a curator. She couldn’t have had a better owner. Please let us know if you need anything.
    Love.

    Reply
    • Nancy says

      February 28, 2020 at 10:04 am

      Thanks, Maria! And thanks for tolerating our cats for the last almost 30 years even though you are allergic! You were a trooper. Love you.

      Reply
  9. alice scott-ferguson says

    February 29, 2020 at 11:44 am

    Heart to heart in the sweet sorrow, dear friend!
    How comforting to ever more fully comprehend that the essence called LIFE, can never perish.
    It lives on and cannot be destroyed, for that is the essence of its Creator.
    Though in what form, may be unclear,
    we will be reunited with fur and feathered friends!
    (No kitties in heaven? Perish the thought!!)

    Reply
    • Nancy says

      March 2, 2020 at 10:53 am

      Thank you, Alice. The Lord has similarly comforted me and I’ll share it all when I see you!

      Reply
  10. Elizabeth H. Van Liere says

    February 29, 2020 at 6:04 pm

    Scrolling through the many thoughts of your friends it’s plain to see so many others share your love of a pet or two. We have two dogs and they are getting ancient like me.Soon it’ll be time to say good bye to them. Can’t help but wonder, will they get to heaven before me? If so, I believe our pets will be there to welcome us because God gave them to us in the first place, one of His many blessings. We’ll leave the sad things behind and surely the happy things will tag along..

    Reply
    • Nancy says

      March 2, 2020 at 10:54 am

      Thank you for the encouragement, Betty. And hug your fur friends for me!

      Reply

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