Nancy

Joy Is Where You Find It

October 31, 2014 by Nancy 20 Comments

I was sitting in my doctor’s office waiting to be called in for a flu shot when I saw them enter: a man about my age and his quite elderly mother. He walked slowly, keeping cadence with her pace. She leaned over her walker and shuffled toward the check-in desk.

“My mom is here for her 11:00 appointment,” said the son, giving his mother’s name.

“Has she been in Africa in the last 21 days?” the receptionist asked in all seriousness.

The man looked over at his fragile mother, then back at the receptionist. “Well, I don’t think so, but I guess I should ask her,” he replied. He turned toward his mother and said in a voice loud enough for her and everyone in the waiting room to hear, “Mom, have you been in Africa in the last 21 days?”

From my perspective I couldn’t see the elderly woman’s face, but I could see her frail shoulders bouncing up and down as she chuckled to herself. “No,” she said, and as she turned to move toward a chair in the waiting room I could see the amusement in her eyes still. What a sweet moment the two of them shared. What unexpected joy was found in what was no doubt an appointment neither particularly wanted to keep. The receptionist was just following office procedure during this recent Ebola scare, and didn’t know she’d brightened the day of everyone within hearing distance in the process—especially the day of the elderly patient.

As soon as the man and his mom had come through the door, my heart had gone out to them. It’s impossible for me to see someone helping an elder they love without remembering such days with my mother-in-law and my mom, both now in heaven. Oh, how I prayed I could get my mom-in-law into Wendy’s for the cheeseburger and Frosty she craved without her falling. She planned morning doctor appointments so we could indulge ourselves at Wendy’s afterwards. I didn’t want her to fall on my watch.

My mom remained fairly mobile until near the end of her life, but I remember how cautiously I drove whenever I had her in the car, and how I insisted she wear her seatbelt—an invention she never appreciated fully.

But there was joy in those times, too. How I wish I could take Mary Frances for a Frosty, or Mom for a ride, one more time.

I was called in for my shot. Leaving the doctor’s office a few minutes later I walked by the chairs where the man and his mother were still waiting. The three of us shared a smile, and the knowledge that loving is always worth the price. Especially on days when a little unexpected joy comes your way.

Blogger’s Block

October 20, 2014 by Nancy Leave a Comment

The photo says it all. Beau and I have both been staring at the computer screen for some time now, but no blog posts have magically appeared. Writing coaches always say the best way to break through writer’s block is just to begin writing. Begin scribbling. Begin doodling. Just begin! So with that in mind I decided to begin blogging about the fact that I seem to have blogger’s block.

Yet I do so with hesitation. You and I both know that there is a lot of blathering going on out there under the guise of blogging. I don’t want to send another useless blog into the blogosphere to add to the glut in existence. Yet I feel I owe it to my faithful subscribers to offer up something. So here it is.

How, you may wonder, could I let all of September and half of October go by without blogging? We’ve had a glorious fall here in Colorado with golden-baked days, blue skies, cool nights, and the prettiest, most awe-inspiring Aspen season in recent memory, yet none of this beauty inspired a blog. During September we traveled to the South to see precious family members and overnighted in Vail with dear friends, yet no blogs were born.

Maybe the reason for my blogger’s block is that I seem to be in a state of suspension right now. Our house is on the market as we attempt to “right size” but hasn’t sold yet. My next book, Take My Hand Again, is at the publisher but hasn’t released yet. I’ve had some success on the Paleo diet but haven’t reached my goal yet.

Still, through all the “not yets,” I wait with a sense of wonder and heightened expectation. That’s because I’m also seasoned enough to know that when we feel blocked, or stifled, or stuck in a holding pattern, it may be because God is intent on getting our attention. In this “not yet” season of my life, He gently whispers, “It will all happen in my time. You do trust me, right? Rest in me.”

I do trust Him and His timing in my life. And so I will continue to look out the windows of the home I’ve loved for 25 years and be blessed by the golden trees, the mountains, the cityscape, the sunrises and sunsets. I’ll continue to enjoy cozy dinners and watching football games with my husband, and cuddling my cats during morning quiet times.

And I’ll continue to be grateful for the mystery of the creative process, however it torments me, and for the readers who connect with me whenever I find something worthwhile to say. Thank you for understanding while I wait for the inspiration to blog to return. Don’t worry. There’s joy in the waiting!

Just Start

August 25, 2014 by Nancy 14 Comments

When my son Tim gave me a copy of Jon Acuff’s book Start I thought the subject might have come a bit late for me, but I was wrong! I just finished the book and it’s full of motivating advice for Boomers like my husband and me who are launching Act 3 of our lives.

I also saw application for elders we all know and love. Even people in their 80s and 90s can “punch fear in the face, escape average, and do work that matters” as this author urges. With thanks to Jon Acuff (who also wrote the wildly popular, humorous book Stuff Christians Like) here’s some motivation for us all.

At any age each of us can stop living an average life and start living an awesome one. Acuff says that to get to awesome there are two questions we should ask ourselves: “If I died today, what would I regret not doing?” and “Are those the things I’m doing right now?” Younger people might have feats like running a marathon or going to medical school on the list of things they would regret not doing, but our seniors may list things like, “Call my sister in Idaho and have a nice long chat,” or “Take a walk around the block each day.” The point is to stop thinking about what you wish you were doing and begin doing it—one small step at a time.

Moving from average to awesome takes us through several stages according to Acuff. First we learn about the things that interest us, then we edit down to just what we are most passionate about. The third stage is to master one or more of our passions. Then we begin to see the fruits of our efforts; we begin to harvest. Finally, in the awesome life, one gets to the stage of guiding or mentoring others. But that’s not the time to rest on your laurels. Oh no. Once you get to guiding, then you simply start again!

When I think of the older adults I know and love, I wonder if they fully realize how much they have mastered, and how valuable and helpful it would be for them to enthusiastically share their harvest and guide others. Even if it’s how to make a pie crust or when to plant spring crops, every older person has something to share. When we encourage them to do so, we will watch them change from average to awesome right before our eyes.

Did your mother immigrate to this country as a child? Did your dad serve in World War II? Help them tell their stories to a group of school children and share some living history. Do you know an older woman who might be willing to teach someone how to crochet? The opportunities for “awesomeness” are limitless.

As longevity increases, news reports are replete with stories of people in their 90s and beyond who take their first motorcycle ride, go skydiving, or take a long anticipated vacation. But it doesn’t have to be something so dramatic to move older adults from average to awesome. Listen to what matters most to the elders you love, and help them find a way to move closer to living an awesome life. It’s never too late to start.

Savoring Summer

July 28, 2014 by Nancy 10 Comments

Why is it that even though summer days are longer in terms of sunlight, they seem to slip by so much faster than winter days? Each year it seems like summer is gone before I’ve fully embraced it, leaving me to say, “But wait! I was going to go to the pool more. Hold on! We didn’t go to any summer concerts under the stars!”

Summer won’t wait. While we still have some of it left, let’s get serious about savoring every single bit of summer we can salvage! Here are some things I still want to do. How about you?

Visit a farmer’s market. Even if you’re traveling and can only pick up a few apples or carrots to snack on in the car, take time to stroll through local markets wherever you are and experience the sights and smells of locally grown produce, herbs, and flowers. I’ve been brought to tears by the sight of fresh green beans in Maryland and avocadoes in California. Add whatever you find at your local market to your family’s dinner menu. Fresh always tastes better!

Take advantage of free festivals, concerts or theater in the park, parades, and street performances. It only takes a little extra effort to log on to community websites and find out what’s happening where. A folding camp chair and cool beverage is all you need to add—but you have to remember to show up! Write upcoming events on your calendar and go.

At least once, walk through the grass barefooted. I don’t care how old you are, it’s not summer unless you’ve felt cool, damp grass between your toes. If you can run through the sprinkler, too, so much the better! The neighbors might wonder about your sanity if you don’t have any grandkids or neighbor children with you, but who cares? It’s summer, after all!

Find a shady spot and move a favorite chair into it so you can enjoy reading outside. Even better, plop down on a porch swing or hammock. Forget about the recommended reading lists and “must read” book club selections. Read something that relaxes you and soothes your soul. Doze at will.

Eat outside as often as possible. If bugs are a problem where you live, find a screened in porch. Whether the fare is grilled burgers or cool summer soups and salads, dining al fresco is what summer is all about. Don’t miss out this year.

Whether you take a vacation or a stay-cation, may you savor summer in a million little ways. If we love it while it lasts, the memories will make us smile during the winter days to come. Happy summer!

Leaning In

June 23, 2014 by Nancy 16 Comments

Recently I scanned portions of the highly popular book Lean In, written by Sheryl Sandberg, the COO of Facebook who is listed on Fortune’s list of the 50 Most Powerful Women in Business. I liked what she had to say a lot more than I expected. After all, if you are going to give 8-10 hours a day to your career, shouldn’t you be fully engaged? Shouldn’t you make sure your good ideas are heard, and that your intelligence shows?
I say yes, and so I recommend the book to women still in the corporate world who want to get rid of internal barriers and fully and confidently engage in their work. I can recommend the book because Ms. Sandberg also wisely dispels the myth that women can have it all at once. Make your choices, ladies. If you choose to work in the corporate world, take a place at the table, speak up, and lean in.
What I realized after scanning this book, however, is how grateful I am not to have to do the corporate leaning in thing anymore. The older you are, the clearer your view of what matters in life. That sort of leaning in was important for a season, yes, but I now have more important reasons to lean in.
For instance, I lean in to hear what my husband is saying to me in a crowded restaurant. What if it’s a term of endearment I miss? It’s not enough to nod and smile at him across the table. I want to really know what he thinks, feels, and wants to express at this time in our life together. So I lean in.
I also don’t want to miss an opportunity to stoop down and lean in to the tear-stained face of a child who is upset by one of life’s injustices. What could be more valuable than helping that little soul feel heard, even if the injustice simply can’t be rectified? So I lean in.
Staying physically strong is vital to finishing strong in life, so I walk around our hilly neighborhood. I often laugh to myself when I remember the advice of running guru Jim Fixx, who said that when you are going up a hill you should lean in and pretend you are a tiger on all fours! I don’t feel much like a tiger, but I lean in and keep going, no matter how steep the slope.
Once I started thinking about good reasons to lean in, the list just kept growing! Lean in to smell the flowers and breathe deeply. Lean in to an infant carrier and admire a newborn. Lean in to share a prayer with an elderly friend. And of course, as the old hymn says, there’s joy and comfort in doing all this while leaning on the everlasting arms of God. Life is precious. Let’s all lean in and live it fully!

Remembering Momilies

May 8, 2014 by Nancy 18 Comments

A friend from high school recently posted this former blog post on Facebook so I thought I would send it out again, too. Momilies are timeless! Happy Mother’s Day!

I grew up in the South thinking everyone’s mother said, “Katie, bar the door” in times of trouble and “I’ll swan” when something truly amazing happened. On a really busy day, there would be “no flies on us,” and when something was perfectly ready it was “all saucered and blowed” (like you do to hot coffee before you drink it). My mom also described someone who talked all the time as having been “vaccinated with a phonograph needle,” and a braggart was “too big for his britches.”

Now that my mom is gone, I’m glad I have these momilies to remember. Momilies are like homilies but a lot less preachy. They are the gentle bits of advice passed from moms to children and repeated with a frequency that insures their remembrance.

“Rise above it” my mom would say when she was encouraging me not to stoop to someone else’s level. Whether applied to junior high gossip or office politics, this simple three-word phrase always has helped me keep my focus.

“It’ll never show on a galloping horse” was my mom’s version of “don’t sweat the small stuff.” A pimple on the end of your nose the night before the prom? A greasy stain on one of the linen napkins you need for a dinner party? Not to worry. “It’ll never show on a galloping horse.”

In fact, horses were the source of a lot of wisdom. “Don’t put your cart before your horse” was trotted out whenever I impatiently scrambled the logical order of events, and “no sense closing the barn door after the horse gets out” reminded me to think about the consequences of what I was doing before it was too late.

There must have been chickens in the same barn, because I was frequently reminded not to count them before they hatched. (They may have been the same chickens who later ran around with their heads chopped off.)

Young girls coming to terms with their physical appearance need all the support they can get. My sisters and I remember our mom telling us “beauty knows no pain” as we squeezed into too-small patent leather shoes or girdles with garters. But since she was a lot more concerned about our behavior than our beauty, we also daily heard “pretty is as pretty does” and “beauty comes from the inside out.” Little did we know it was her subtle way of teaching us the truth of 1 Peter 3:4 which describes beauty as “a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s eyes.”

Whenever we said we wanted something we didn’t need or couldn’t have, Mom would remind us that “people in jail want out.” It was years before I saw the connection between those people in jail and me. I just knew that whenever they came up, I wasn’t going to get what I wanted!

When it came to wanting all the food I saw in a cafeteria line, Mom would say, “don’t let your eyes be bigger than your stomach”—meaning take only what you can really eat!

That particular momily is one I passed on to my own kids. My son said it was years before he knew what it meant, but he sure thought about the possibility of having eyes that big! Since I also warned him not to “cut his nose off to spite his face,” he worried about his facial features a lot.

Although it was always strange to hear the same momilies my mom used coming out of my mouth, I’m glad I passed them on. After all, she wasn’t “just whistlin’ Dixie.”