Back Porch Break

Defying Description

June 28, 2016 by Nancy 24 Comments

Me in junior high with my prize-winning rabbit, Queenie. — Me in junior high with Queenie, my prize-winning rabbit.

Every time I open up Facebook I’m asked to do something I don’t seem to be able to do. In an attempt to update my profile, Facebook asks me to: Describe Who You Are.

You may think that would be easy to do, but then maybe you haven’t lived over six decades like I have. What is it, exactly, that they expect me to say to describe me? What are they hoping I’ll include? What categories of knowledge or personality traits? What accomplishments or failures? What labels that I’ve collected over the years, like so many stickers on an old suitcase, would satisfy this request?

I could have answered it easily in elementary school. I might have written, “I’m a little girl in Tennessee who loves to play barefooted in the summer and to ride her horse, Dolly, bareback.”

I could have answered it in junior high: “I’m a basketball player and I raise rabbits and show them at the state fair.”

I could have answered it in senior high: “I’m a cheerleader and editor of the yearbook. I like boys!”

Then it gets more complicated. In my twenties I could have written: “I’m a college graduate with degrees in journalism and English education, and the stay-at-home mother of two little boys. I’m an Army wife.”

In my thirties it would change to: “I’m a divorced mother of two boys and fulltime writer for a large corporation.”

In my forties I could have reported: “I’m a happily remarried mother of two, stepmother of two, and corporate manager spending long hours at the office.”

In my fifties I might have said: “I’m a freelance writer and published author and my grandkids call me Grancy.”

But what about now? How do I succinctly describe who I am in my sixties, and who at Facebook cares anyway? Are they going to write me back and say: “That doesn’t sound like you.” Or maybe, “Be more specific please.” I doubt it.

And so I leave the request unsatisfied still. If I wrote anything to sum up my life to this point, it would have to be: “I am a redeemed child of God. A daughter of the most high King. I am blessed beyond belief, and I am eternally grateful.” I guess I can live with that description today and forever—whether I share it with Facebook or not.

What about you? Have you fulfilled this Facebook request? How did you describe YOU?

Graduations and Weddings, Oh My!

May 10, 2016 by Nancy 18 Comments

May and June are traditionally the months when families gather for graduations and weddings, and never has this been truer for our family than this year! We have four graduations and a wedding within just a few weeks. As the plans begin to come together I’m reminded once again of the similarities between these two celebrations.

When a large family is involved, both graduations and weddings can be a logistical challenge. Who can come and who can’t? Where will everyone stay? What transportation is needed and who can provide it? And then the always unanswerable, but ever-present question: will the weather cooperate? What’s the backup plan for outdoor ceremonies or celebrations?

There are 21 people in our immediate blended family. Three granddaughters are graduating from high school this year—and one granddaughter is graduating from college and getting married! As all the flight and hotel reservations are being made, the gifts selected, and the parties planned, I keep seeing the faces of these four dear honorees—not as they are now, as proud graduate or beaming bride—but as they were as toddlers and little girls.

I was privileged to go with my granddaughter Amanda to try on her wedding dress for the first time. Seated in the “salon” area of the bridal shop while the assistant helped her into her dress in the fitting room, I wondered if I would cry when I first saw her. I knew I was supposed to cry. I’d seen that in the movies and commercials again and again. But what if I didn’t? She’d be disappointed, wouldn’t she?

Then she stepped into the room looking absolutely radiant–with the same excited smile on her face that I remembered from when she was four and twirling around in her latest “play dress up” outfit in our living room. The tears naturally flowed.

So what do all these honorees have in common? A sense of accomplishment. A bit of apprehension as they move into an unknown future. And hopefully parents and grandparents searching for a tissue during “Pomp & Circumstance” or “Here Comes the Bride”–and trying to remember how to switch their smart phones from still photos to video.

If we can give our graduates, brides, and grooms anything this season, may it be the reassurance that plans may change, dreams may take a different shape, blessings may come in disguise, but love is forever. The love of parents, grandparents, siblings and starry-eyed new spouses. It’s the love that makes the celebrations worth having. It’s the love that makes the memories.

The Easter Cactus

March 23, 2016 by Nancy 14 Comments

My Christmas cactus is blooming for Easter this year! The botanical explanation may be that we moved to a new house and it’s reacting to different light exposure. But a more sacred reason comes to mind whenever I gaze its way.

How appropriate that a Christmas cactus would bloom at Easter to remind us that the two holy celebrations are intrinsically connected…inseparable in fact. For Christians, Christmas and Easter only exist because of Jesus Christ, the Son of God who dwelled among us. Had He not come to earth, we would have no resurrection to celebrate. Had He not given Himself to die on the cross, we would have no reason to acknowledge His arrival. Without Easter, Christmas is just a materialistic season of overspending and overeating. Without Christmas, Easter is just an extravagant brunch with a lot of candy and brightly colored eggs. One loses all meaning without the other.

Is there value in gathering together with friends and family over the Christmas season to exchange gifts and restore relationships? Of course there is. Is there value in rejoicing in the arrival of spring and celebrating all that’s fresh and new with fluffy chicks and rabbits? Of course there is.

Anyone who knows me knows that I love to decorate for Christmas. I also love rabbits, and have decorative ones all over my house at Easter time. The danger is in letting all the trappings of either holiday obscure the message that can transform us not twice a year, but each day and forever.

Nowhere is that message more clearly stated than in God’s Word and by Jesus Himself. In John 3:16-17 Jesus taught, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.”

Always clear about His mission, Jesus comforted his grieving friend Martha by saying, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies, and whoever lies and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?” (John 11:25-26)

He was sent in love. He died in love. He was resurrected and lives forever. And because He lives, so do those who believe in Him. It’s as simple as that. Jesus Christ always was and always will be. Christmas and Easter are merely the bookends of His sinless earthly life, but to celebrate one without the other makes no sense at all.

My Christmas cactus is so grateful for life that it just had to bloom this Easter! May the same be said of us. Have a joyful Easter—and look for opportunities to bloom!

Welcome, Fickle Spring!

March 12, 2016 by Nancy 15 Comments

Let’s face it. Spring is as fickle as a junior high girlfriend. With other seasons you pretty much know what to expect. Stereotypically, summer will be warm and sunny. Fall will be golden and cool. Winter will be frigid and blustery. But spring? She’s just unpredictable and flighty.

Of course the characterization of spring depends on where you live in this geographically diverse country of ours. When I was a coed at the University of Tennessee in Knoxville, at the first hint of spring in March my friends and I donned last summer’s swimsuits and went up on the roof of the dorm to get started on our suntans. We applied copious amounts of iodine and baby oil and put sheets of aluminum foil under our chins to reflect the rays. (This tanning strategy is why most dermatologist offices are now populated with aging Baby Boomers dealing with the consequences of such spring folly!)

Now that I live in Colorado, I’m used to March being the month when we see our biggest accumulations of snow. Yet this month can unexpectedly throw in a day so warm and sunny that the college coeds of today go skiing in their bikinis! (And spring skiing is simply the best.)

We don’t expect spring to settle in and sustain herself in April around here either. My husband’s birthday is April 30, and I have more than one photo of him shoveling snow on his birthday. But by then hearty crocuses, tulips, and daffodils have begun to break through the ground and amazingly seem to survive the occasional blanket of snow. This is the month spring toys with our emotions until she’s ready to reveal herself in all her glory in May.

Of course I’m not the first writer to note spring’s whimsical nature and inconsistency. Odes and tips of the pen to spring from well-known poets like Keats, Dickinson and Tennyson are replete with observations about both the beauty and the capriciousness of the season. However, perhaps no poem speaks to spring’s determination to tease us as well as this little preschool rhyme:

Some days seem like winter,
Some are nice and warm.
Rainy days and windy days,
Maybe it will storm.
Warm or cold or wet or dry,
What will the weather be?
I think Spring is trying to play
Peek-a-boo with me!

However long spring dallies with your emotions this year, find joy in the gentle rains, the bird songs, the warm breezes, the green sprouts, the resilient blossoms, and yes, even the moist snow. Take the advice of fashion designer Lilly Pulitzer who said, “Despite the forecast, live like it’s spring.”

I Love Your Face

February 12, 2016 by Nancy 18 Comments

I was recently reminded of this favorite post and thought it would be a good reminder to think about all the faces we love this Valentine’s Day! Our grandson Peter, 3, was being buckled into his car seat by his mom, Abigail, when he suddenly said, “Mom, I love your face.” The full breadth and depth of his heartfelt sentiment might have been: “You’re a wonderful mother and I’m so glad you’re mine. I love you.” But the three-year-old translation was, “I love your face.”

After smiling about this “grandparent pleaser” for awhile I realized there’s a deeper meaning there. Haven’t we all felt like Peter did at some point or another, whether we expressed it or not? We all know the thrill of running into someone we truly like, even love, but don’t see nearly often enough. We see their faces and immediately our heart leaps as our mind travels through all the memories we share. Whether it’s an old friend, a favorite teacher, or a former work colleague, it’s a treat to see them again. We may say, “You’re a sight for sore eyes!” But we really mean, “I love your face.”

Faces help us connect with those we don’t know as well also. Once I saw someone in the grocery store that I knew I recognized, but I didn’t know why I knew her. Adding to my confusion was that I immediately associated her with pain and sadness. Finally, the third time our carts crossed paths, I ventured, “I feel like I know you from someplace.” She said she felt the same way, and we began questioning one another until I realized she had been the kindest of the aides who attended my mother-in-law in assisted living before she passed away. I remembered her face because of her kindness, but I associated her with pain because it was such a difficult time for us. “God bless you,” she said as we parted, and I was glad our faces had helped us reconnect.

It’s through the faces of those we love that we get the best read on how they truly are. Just one look at your spouse’s face at the end of the day and you know how trying or victorious the day has been. And whether it’s the two-year-old ready to throw a tantrum, or the teenager thinking about a question he hopes you won’t ask—it’s all written on their faces.

The older I get, the dearer the faces I love are to me. It’s a shock to go to a high school reunion and observe that the faces I remember have gotten so old. Yet to drastically alter our faces in the losing battle against aging is to rob those who care about us of a face they love!

I hope I’ll have the courage to let my face age naturally until that day when I will see the Lord’s face “like the sun shining in all its brilliance” (Revelation 1:16). When I do, I feel sure I will tell Him, “I love your face.”

“Clarity” for 2016

January 20, 2016 by Nancy 14 Comments

Sometimes you choose a word; sometimes a word chooses you. Several people I admire have announced a “one-word theme” for 2016. Words like strength, inspiration, courage. Yet I didn’t think I had a word for this year. Then it descended upon me like the dove that lands on my neighbor’s roof early each morning. Clarity. My word is clarity.

Now that I know my word, however, I have to admit that I’m not clear what it means or why it’s to be my word for the year! It’s possible it will take me all year to unpack it fully. Yet a few applications are evident.

I do want clarity in my work life. The last two books I’ve written, The Hope of Glory and Take My Hand Again, have received positive, heartfelt reviews from people who have read them. I know they could be encouraging many more people to navigate old age gracefully, or to help aging parents face the future with hope and optimism. And so I pray for clarity about how to reach more readers.

I want clarity in my relationships. At 68, I can no longer think of myself as middle-aged. I have yet to meet anyone 136. I want to look at the relationships that mean the most to me with renewed clarity and to never take a single one of them for granted. Have I told the people I love how much I love them? Have I clearly told my friends how much they have contributed to my life? Have I cleared up any misunderstandings and asked for forgiveness if necessary? If not, this is the year for such clarity.

I want clarity in my spiritual walk. Paul wrote to the Corinthians, “For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known” (1 Cor. 13:12 KJV). I know I won’t have perfect clarity about all things spiritual until I see the Lord face to face, but through prayer, studying the Word, and the fellowship of believers, I hope to wipe away a bit more of the fog this year. Psalm 119:105 has always been an encouraging verse for me. It reads: “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.” I trust that if I stay in this light I will clearly see where to place my foot next on my spiritual journey.

Where else will a focus on the word clarity take me this year? Clarity about what eating plan to follow or where to exercise? Time will tell. For now it’s written in capital letters on a sticky note stuck to the bookshelf above my computer. Clearly, it’s a start.

All the best to all of you as you seek to discern what the New Year has to offer. I’d love to hear your one-word theme if you have one. Happy 2016!