love

That’s Love

February 13, 2019 by Nancy 18 Comments

Valentines, chocolates, red roses in a lovely vase—all these things say “I love you” on Valentine’s Day. But there’s more to love, isn’t there? I guess I’ve been tuned in to the variety of ways love is expressed since the years when I was single and didn’t have a special valentine. How is love expressed in the world? Let me count the ways.

A little two-year-old stops playing with her tea set and races to the door when the doorbell rings because she knows it might be her mom coming to get her. That’s love.

The blind man said, “Rabbi, I want to see.” “Go,” said Jesus, “your faith has healed you (Mark 10:51-52).” That’s love.

A badly injured dog struggles to walk across the room at the veterinary clinic where she is fighting for her life to lay her head on the shoulder of her worried owner. That’s love.

Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk (John 5:8).” That’s love.

Two women who normally attend an assisted living Bible study are conspicuously absent. The leader learns one of the women isn’t feeling well and the other wants to sit with her. That’s love.

“I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep (John 10:11).” That’s love.

A brand new mom gazes amazed into the eyes of her newborn son during the “getting to know you” stage of their lifelong relationship. That’s love.

“I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners (Mark 2:17).” That’s love.

A homeless man divides a roll he was given with hands wearing holey mittens and gives half to his homeless friend next to him. That’s love.

“For God did not send his son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him (John 3:17).” That’s love.

A woman with a houseful of kids to feed takes the time to make some soup for the elderly neighbor next door who is ailing. That’s love.

Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace (Luke 7:50).” That’s love.

A husband visits his wife in a care facility every day even though she no longer remembers him or their 60-year marriage. That’s love.

Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” “No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin (John 8:10-11).” That’s love.

A woman who recently lost her husband comes home to find that her family has beautifully decorated her home and yard for the Christmas season. That’s love.

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16).” That’s love.

A weary mom volunteers for extra carpool duty because she knows her friend is going through a hard time. That’s love.

In 1 John 4:19 we read, We love because he first loved us. That’s the kind of love we can see in our world when we look for it—the kind of love worth celebrating on Valentine’s Day and every day.

Me in the Middle

November 30, 2018 by Nancy 22 Comments

I’ve just returned from a visit with my two sisters in Tennessee and have been reflecting on the fact that except for the four years before my younger sister was born, I’ve always been the one in the middle. Not Malcolm in the middle or even monkey in the middle, but me in the middle!

My parents spaced us roughly four years apart so they wouldn’t have more than one child in college at a time. When we were growing up, that four-year spread seemed huge, but at the ages we are now it’s almost non-existent. My two sisters are like bookends on my life. I can fall over in either direction and I’ll have a sister to catch me and prop me up.

And I truly am the middle in so many ways: the middle size, the middle temperament, the middle energy level. Together we were known in our hometown of Knoxville, TN, as “The Parker Girls,” and I’m as proud to be referred to as one of those three girls as I ever was.

"The Parker Girls" in '83 and '03. — “The Parker Girls” in ’83 and ’03.

Studies on middle children state that they tend to be good negotiators—especially when it comes to getting what they want. “Middle-borns are the most willing to wheel and deal,” said birth order expert Dr. Frank Sulloway in an article by Natalie Lorenzi on Parents.com website. They are agreeable, diplomatic, and compromising, and they handle disappointment well. They have realistic expectations, are the least likely to be spoiled, and they tend to be the most independent.

First-borns are commonly characterized as perfectionists with take charge personalities. They are often confident over-achievers, since they had the most time to emulate the adult behaviors of their parents. Youngest children, however, are characterized as more carefree and easy-going, fun-loving, affectionate and sociable. They like to make people laugh.

Knowing my sisters and myself as I do, I have to say parts of those descriptions fit. But in truth each of us has displayed all these characteristics from time to time. We’ve always resisted any urge to label or stereotype one another, and never ordered the T-shirts with funny sayings about being the oldest, the middle one, or the baby of the family. We are simply sisters, with a family history only the three of us share. We can quote our Mom or Daddy and we all “get it” without explanation. We shared a home with a barn and horses, clothes, make-up, and family vacations in the ’59 Chevy station wagon. We survived driving mishaps, boyfriends, and marriages together. We always did and always will want the best for one another.

How grateful I am to be able to say along with Sister Sledge, “We are family. I’ve got all my sisters with me!” Whether near or far, we are always close at heart. And from my perspective, being in the middle is the perfect spot to be. Love you, sisters!

Grateful for the Fruit

November 15, 2018 by Nancy 22 Comments

My son Tim McConnell, lead pastor of First Presbyterian Church in Colorado Springs, is currently preaching a sermon series on GENTLENESS—part of the fruit of the Spirit listed in the Bible in Galatians 5:22-23. Listening to his encouragement that gentleness should be evident in the lives of believers today more than ever, I was reminded of a time when I saw the fruit of the Spirit come alive in a very real way.

It was years ago at a special prayer session called by the executive director of a nonprofit ministry where I volunteered. Family Life Services is a residential facility for single moms and their kids and, like many small nonprofits, it is a “pray and patch as we go” type of ministry.

On this particular evening a group of board members, staff members, and volunteers gathered to pray for the ministry in a more intentional way than we had for years. We were asked to begin our individual prayer time by finding a quiet place on the grounds, and by asking the Lord what He would have us pray for.

As I walked across the lawn, so many of the needs we had ran through my mind. We needed funds to replace some plaster falling from the ceiling on the third floor of the Victorian house that serves as ministry headquarters. We needed new carpeting. We needed someone to donate grounds keeping services. More important, we needed childcare volunteers for Thursday evenings when the moms meet for group counseling.

But then I quieted my mind and my heart and asked the Lord how He would have me pray. Clearly I heard Him say, “Pray for PEACE in times of conflict. Pray for LOVE to surround the mothers and children.”

When the group reconvened after 30 minutes of individual prayer, we shared what each of us had heard from the Lord. Soon it became evident that He had not instructed us to pray for anything tangible. The words GOODNESS and PATIENCE were quickly added to PEACE and LOVE. By the time we got all the way around the table, I realized that the Lord had instructed us to pray for everything comprising the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. All gifts available through the Holy Spirit to those who believe in Jesus Christ.

What JOY we felt as we realized how intimately He was involved in our ministry. How encouraging it was to know that He cared enough to lead our prayers in the direction that would accomplish His purposes. Even when our eyes were focused on the things right in front of us, the Lord’s eyes were on the whole mission of the ministry and the lives He knew could be changed.

We need to remember to pray for the fruit of the Spirit to be evident not only in our own lives and personal ministries, but in the lives of all those for whom we pray. Instead of asking for a friend’s relief from financial or health concerns, maybe we should be praying that she will have JOY in the midst of the trials, or PATIENCE to wait for God’s solution in His time.

We can encourage a friend by telling her when we see the GENTLENESS in her response to a situation or the KINDNESS she shows to her elderly neighbor. Maybe you notice that someone who struggles with the need to gossip about others makes a conscious effort not to do so, and you can praise her for her SELF-CONTROL. Certainly a volunteer who dedicates year after year to a church or school near you should be commended for her FAITHFULNESS.

In this season of Thanksgiving, I choose to be grateful for the fruit of the Spirit. By recognizing it in others and affirming what we see, we can make this world a gentler place. And by praying for that fruit to be evident in us, we can live more fruitful lives.

Love Is a River

February 10, 2017 by Nancy 13 Comments

An old adage states that it’s better to be a river than a lake. That whatever resources come to us should not stop with us but flow through us on their way to bless others. Certainly this is true of any love we receive in our lives, from whatever source. Love mustn’t stop with us. It must move through us. Through our words, our actions, our thoughts, our touch, our caring, our hoping. It must move through us to others—and to the world as a whole.

I’m not proud of the fact that I have felt somewhat discouraged and hopeless in the past few weeks. My despair is because so much hate is being spewed into our world from many directions. Hate based on emotion and fear, not facts. I’m not proud of it because that’s not how my God would have me respond to this outpouring of hate. Rather He would ask me to flood it with an outpouring of His love, flowing through me.

So this Valentine’s Day, I’m going to take love more seriously than ever before. The romantic movies, the chocolates, the roses, the dinner out won’t cease to delight me, but they won’t fully satisfy me either. I want to seek love at the deepest level. I want to gorge on the love that knows no end. The love that sacrificed all. For only such profound love can wash away such a vast amount of hate and confusion.

God IS love (1 John 4:16). So I’ll ask Him to help me show love in a million little ways. I’ll ask Him to help me hold my tongue. I’ll ask Him to remind me that without forgiveness I am nothing. And that I can forgive others because He first forgave me. I’ll remember all the lavish love He’s sent into my life and believe that I can love others because He first loved me. I’ll ask Him to help me spend time with people of all persuasions and beliefs in peace, because He tells me that all people are worthy of love.

I know. This isn’t the paper doily, construction-paper-heart kind of Valentine love. But it truly is the love the world needs now. May it flow through us all.

Pet Chronicles

August 29, 2016 by Nancy 20 Comments

How we love our pets. I don’t know if it was the expression on my face or the tears welling up in my eyes that tipped off the total stranger sitting in the waiting room with her dog. I just know that as I was leaving the vet’s office after dropping off my cat Beau for surgery, she leaped up to give me a hug, and soon I was crying on her shoulder sobbing, “It’s just so hard to leave him here.”

Beau had a gross looking sore on one of his hind feet. The vet wisely decided the best plan of action was to amputate his toe and send the whole mess to the lab for evaluation. The test came back positive for a low grade cancer, so taking the toe was the right decision and gives him a good chance at survival. Still, as I dropped him off that morning you would have thought I was the one having an amputation.

My concern for Beau started me thinking about all the pets I have loved in my lifetime. I remember each one so clearly because each one still occupies a place in my heart. You, too?

The first dog I can remember was a brown and white spotted, mid-sized mutt named Sally. She had the brightest brown eyes, the pinkest tongue, and the curliest tail you’ll ever see—and I loved her so much. Sally was just one more of the playmates my sisters and I had when we played hopscotch or jumped rope. She was always with us and always up for a romp. Over the years we also had a collie named Prince, a cocker named Prissy, and a cat named Cocomo. How I remember each one.

As a newlywed in the sixties my first “baby” was a miniature dachshund named Sebastian. This is the dog I dressed up in baby clothes while awaiting the birth of my first son because he weighed seven pounds and I thought I could practice on him! He’s also the dog that was so jealous once the baby came that he lifted his leg all around the bottom of the changing-table skirt I had painstakingly made. In so many ways Sebastian was just too smart to be a dog, but he was funny and affectionate and my heart still leaps whenever I see a mini-dachshund.

Two more dogs followed. Gorgeous light golden retrievers named Lady and Lad. Lad was Lady’s puppy. She gave birth to 11 puppies, but I was on the phone with the vet after 10 had been born and he told me to bring her in for a check-up. I called her and she obeyed, dropping puppy number eleven out on his head.

I have a feeling that was Lad, because as one vet said, “He’s about as bright as a billiard ball!” Lady was brighter, however, and both dogs were loyal and lovable. They were my jogging partners during a difficult time in my life. After Lady and Lad, I haven’t had the heart to get another dog. The holes they left just seem too large to fill.

Naively, I thought cats might be less of an emotional investment. Wrong. My son Tim convinced me to adopt a calico cat we named Callie. Next we adopted two kittens I named Kate and Allie after my favorite TV sitcom at the time. After a trip to the vet, we had to change Allie’s name to Al because she was a he! When Kate escaped one night and didn’t make it home, she was replaced by Betsy—a calico barn cat whose meow was stuck in her throat. We had Al and Betsy for 14 years and losing them was heartbreaking.

So it took almost a year before we adopted Molly, a sweet grayish cat we’ve had for 12 years now. I read an article that said a single cat might become depressed, so a few months later we adopted Beau. That’s when Molly really became depressed! Unlike Al and Betsy who curled up together daily, these two cats barely tolerate one another, but both are wonderful companions.

I think we grieve the loss of our pets so deeply when they go because they are so much a part of our daily lives. They need us, and we need them. In fact, I can’t imagine my life without a clever, comforting, entertaining cat in it. One adage reads, “Every life has nine cats.” Husband beware. It looks like I’m only up to seven. Two more to go to secure my crazy cat lady status!

I give myself permission to love my pets as I do because they, too, are God’s creatures given to us to care for and enjoy. Psalm 36:6 says, O Lord, you preserve both man and beast. Psalm 150:6 reads, Let everything that has breath praise the Lord. Our pets have breath. Dare we believe they also have souls and will greet us in heaven? Theologians may disagree, but I’ll just wait and see. Meanwhile, I’ll just love on the two I have. Or do they have me?

I Love Your Face

February 12, 2016 by Nancy 18 Comments

I was recently reminded of this favorite post and thought it would be a good reminder to think about all the faces we love this Valentine’s Day! Our grandson Peter, 3, was being buckled into his car seat by his mom, Abigail, when he suddenly said, “Mom, I love your face.” The full breadth and depth of his heartfelt sentiment might have been: “You’re a wonderful mother and I’m so glad you’re mine. I love you.” But the three-year-old translation was, “I love your face.”

After smiling about this “grandparent pleaser” for awhile I realized there’s a deeper meaning there. Haven’t we all felt like Peter did at some point or another, whether we expressed it or not? We all know the thrill of running into someone we truly like, even love, but don’t see nearly often enough. We see their faces and immediately our heart leaps as our mind travels through all the memories we share. Whether it’s an old friend, a favorite teacher, or a former work colleague, it’s a treat to see them again. We may say, “You’re a sight for sore eyes!” But we really mean, “I love your face.”

Faces help us connect with those we don’t know as well also. Once I saw someone in the grocery store that I knew I recognized, but I didn’t know why I knew her. Adding to my confusion was that I immediately associated her with pain and sadness. Finally, the third time our carts crossed paths, I ventured, “I feel like I know you from someplace.” She said she felt the same way, and we began questioning one another until I realized she had been the kindest of the aides who attended my mother-in-law in assisted living before she passed away. I remembered her face because of her kindness, but I associated her with pain because it was such a difficult time for us. “God bless you,” she said as we parted, and I was glad our faces had helped us reconnect.

It’s through the faces of those we love that we get the best read on how they truly are. Just one look at your spouse’s face at the end of the day and you know how trying or victorious the day has been. And whether it’s the two-year-old ready to throw a tantrum, or the teenager thinking about a question he hopes you won’t ask—it’s all written on their faces.

The older I get, the dearer the faces I love are to me. It’s a shock to go to a high school reunion and observe that the faces I remember have gotten so old. Yet to drastically alter our faces in the losing battle against aging is to rob those who care about us of a face they love!

I hope I’ll have the courage to let my face age naturally until that day when I will see the Lord’s face “like the sun shining in all its brilliance” (Revelation 1:16). When I do, I feel sure I will tell Him, “I love your face.”