Mother's Day

A Letter to Mom

May 7, 2021 by Nancy 17 Comments

Letter writing is a dying art form in our society. What better time to resurrect it than Mother’s Day, when we can sit down and write a letter to our moms? If like mine your mother has passed on beyond the reach of the U.S. Postal Service, you can still write her a letter addressed to heaven and reap the benefits of feeling connected to her once again.

For most of my adult life I lived far away from my mother, either out of the country or on opposite sides of it. So Mom would faithfully write me letters telling me of all the everyday happenings in our hometown. She’d include an overview of the weather, how the garden was coming in, what my sisters and their families had been up to, any major improvements in the area—just any tidbit of news that would draw me closer to the place and people I loved and left. Almost always she would close with, “Well, I’d better finish up to beat the postman.”

I wrote her letters in reply, telling her news of the faraway places I lived and keeping her up to date on travel adventures and the “growing up” antics of my two sons. In short, we were pen pals as well as mother and daughter, and both of us were blessed by the letters that connected our lives and hearts.

It’s time to find some pretty stationery and write our moms again. But how can we make a letter to mom meaningful, whether she will read it or we’ll just deliver it in our hearts? One idea is to use the letters written by the Apostle Paul as our template.

Even though Paul sometimes wrote his letters from prison to churches he had visited, those in cities like Philippi, Corinth or Thessalonica eagerly awaited and shared the missives he sent. Why? Because Paul would most often begin with a warm greeting, add an expression of gratitude, offer a strong dose of encouragement (or admonition if needed), promote reconciliation and close with a message of hope.
Students of the Bible pour over the epistles of Paul for all the instruction on living the Christian life still relevant today. Though we may not want to include all of Paul’s elements in letters to our moms, they are a great place to start. For instance, we could say something like I thank my God every time I remember you (Philippians 1:3). We could remind her that we love her and that love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres (1 Corinthians 13:7). Or bless her by closing like Paul often did: The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you (1 Thessalonians 5:28).

Because of God’s love moving in us we should all be able to address our mothers warmly and with respect despite any lingering relationship issues, express our gratitude to them, share some happy memories, and encourage them to keep the faith. Such a letter will be a treasured gift for a mom still with you, or a joyful remembrance of a mom loved and lost.

(First published in Pikes Peak Senior News.)

Encouraging Moms of All Ages

May 11, 2017 by Nancy 10 Comments

“I can handle anything,” the T-shirt slogan reads. “I’m a mother.”

Certainly it often seems as if mothers can handle anything. Who else can talk on the phone while making the kids’ lunches, feeding the dog, and checking the newspaper for coupons? Moms who work outside of the home do all that before leaving for work in the morning—not to mention getting the kids out the door, picking up the house, and setting the pork chops out to thaw.

Is it any wonder mothers need encouragement? Even the most competent of mothers has moments in the middle of the night, or when she’s racing to pick up a sick child at school, when she thinks, “I just don’t know if I can do this any longer.” The truth is, she has to. No one can replace a mother.

One thing I’ve realized as my own kids have grown up and married is that while the role of mothering changes with time, a mother is a mother until the day she dies. Women in different stages of mothering need our encouragement in different ways.

More than anything else, the young mom at home with toddlers needs a sanity break. The most encouraging thing we can do for her is to give her time to restore herself emotionally, physically, or spiritually. Movie tickets, a gift certificate to a beauty salon, or just a coupon for “two hours all to yourself” are extremely encouraging as long as any offer we make is accompanied by babysitting arrangements. If you stay with the kids, when the mom comes back tell her all the ways you observe that she is positively molding the lives of her little charges.

The mother of a teenager may need more encouragement than anyone. One day everything is going great and she’s just sure her teen is going to change the world for the better. The next day a phone call comes, or a discussion explodes, and things look bleak at best, impossible at worst. The most effective encouragement for these moms often comes from mothers who have been through the teen years and seen their kids emerge on the other side stable and whole. (They really DO grow through the angst of being a teenager. And they really will tell you that they love you again!) If you know a mom struggling with a teenager now, write a note or call to say “hang in there” in an encouraging way.

Those blessed to still have moms in their seventies, eighties, and beyond know that these moms deserve and need our encouragement, too. They need to hear that they did a good job of rearing their children, and that they are doing a good job of leaving a legacy of love to their families. If we believe this to be true, we must never miss an opportunity to tell them so.

My mother was always encouraged when someone outside the family said something complimentary about one of her three grown girls. If you are acquainted with the mother of a friend, consider writing her a note and letting her know how much of her you see in the friend you love—or just thank her for rearing such a wonderful daughter.

“Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children,” wrote William Makepeace Thackeray. Every mother knows that it’s only by God’s grace, and with His help, that she is worthy of the name and able to “handle anything.” Let’s give the moms we know and love His encouragement through us. Happy Mother’s Day!

Remembering Momilies

May 8, 2014 by Nancy 18 Comments

A friend from high school recently posted this former blog post on Facebook so I thought I would send it out again, too. Momilies are timeless! Happy Mother’s Day!

I grew up in the South thinking everyone’s mother said, “Katie, bar the door” in times of trouble and “I’ll swan” when something truly amazing happened. On a really busy day, there would be “no flies on us,” and when something was perfectly ready it was “all saucered and blowed” (like you do to hot coffee before you drink it). My mom also described someone who talked all the time as having been “vaccinated with a phonograph needle,” and a braggart was “too big for his britches.”

Now that my mom is gone, I’m glad I have these momilies to remember. Momilies are like homilies but a lot less preachy. They are the gentle bits of advice passed from moms to children and repeated with a frequency that insures their remembrance.

“Rise above it” my mom would say when she was encouraging me not to stoop to someone else’s level. Whether applied to junior high gossip or office politics, this simple three-word phrase always has helped me keep my focus.

“It’ll never show on a galloping horse” was my mom’s version of “don’t sweat the small stuff.” A pimple on the end of your nose the night before the prom? A greasy stain on one of the linen napkins you need for a dinner party? Not to worry. “It’ll never show on a galloping horse.”

In fact, horses were the source of a lot of wisdom. “Don’t put your cart before your horse” was trotted out whenever I impatiently scrambled the logical order of events, and “no sense closing the barn door after the horse gets out” reminded me to think about the consequences of what I was doing before it was too late.

There must have been chickens in the same barn, because I was frequently reminded not to count them before they hatched. (They may have been the same chickens who later ran around with their heads chopped off.)

Young girls coming to terms with their physical appearance need all the support they can get. My sisters and I remember our mom telling us “beauty knows no pain” as we squeezed into too-small patent leather shoes or girdles with garters. But since she was a lot more concerned about our behavior than our beauty, we also daily heard “pretty is as pretty does” and “beauty comes from the inside out.” Little did we know it was her subtle way of teaching us the truth of 1 Peter 3:4 which describes beauty as “a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s eyes.”

Whenever we said we wanted something we didn’t need or couldn’t have, Mom would remind us that “people in jail want out.” It was years before I saw the connection between those people in jail and me. I just knew that whenever they came up, I wasn’t going to get what I wanted!

When it came to wanting all the food I saw in a cafeteria line, Mom would say, “don’t let your eyes be bigger than your stomach”—meaning take only what you can really eat!

That particular momily is one I passed on to my own kids. My son said it was years before he knew what it meant, but he sure thought about the possibility of having eyes that big! Since I also warned him not to “cut his nose off to spite his face,” he worried about his facial features a lot.

Although it was always strange to hear the same momilies my mom used coming out of my mouth, I’m glad I passed them on. After all, she wasn’t “just whistlin’ Dixie.”

Momilies to Remember

May 12, 2012 by Nancy 6 Comments

My mom has been gone almost four years but this classic column from years ago reminds me fondly of her. The peonies are from my childhood home–lovingly gathered by my sister Mary to welcome me to Tennessee last month. Happy Mother’s Day, one and all!

I grew up in the South thinking everyone’s mother said, “Katie, bar the door” in times of trouble and “I’ll swan” when something truly amazing happened. On a really busy day, there would be “no flies on us,” and when something was perfectly ready it was “all saucered and blowed” (like you do to hot coffee before you drink it). Someone who talked all the time was described as having been “vaccinated with a phonograph needle” and a braggart was “too big for his britches.”

I call such phrases momilies: like homilies but a lot less preachy. They are the gentle bits of advice passed from moms to children and repeated with a frequency that insures their remembrance.

In fact, horses were the subject of a lot of her wisdom. “Don’t put your cart before your horse” was trotted out whenever I impatiently scrambled the logical order of events, and “no sense closing the barn door after the horse gets out” reminded me to think about the consequences of what I was doing before it was too late.

Young girls coming to terms with their physical appearance need all the support they can get. My sisters and I remember our mom telling us “beauty knows no pain” as we squeezed into patent leather shoes a size too small or, later, girdles with garters. But since she was a lot more concerned about our behavior than our beauty, we also daily heard “pretty is as pretty does” and “beauty comes from the inside out.” Little did we know it was her subtle way of teaching us the truth of 1 Peter 3:4 which describes beauty as a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.

When it came to wanting all the food I saw in a cafeteria line, Mom would say, “don’t let your eyes be bigger than your stomach”—meaning take only what you can really eat.

Although it was always strange to hear the same momilies my mom used coming out of my mouth, I’m glad I passed them on. After all, she wasn’t “just whistlin’ Dixie.”