Back Porch Break & Take My Hand Again Blog Posts

Meet “Alter Girl”

February 22, 2019 by Nancy 12 Comments

I’m so pleased to have friend and author Andrea Syverson as a guest blogger on my site today! Enjoy this article first published by Group Publishing, Inc. If you haven’t read Andrea’s book yet, I think you’d love it. Or if you know someone who could benefit from her spiritual journey, feel free to share this.

A couple years ago, Marie Kondo captivated me with The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up.

Filled with adventure, decluttering, and searches for what “sparks joy,” her message of simplifying resonated with me, though not for the reason you might think. Like her many readers, I’d gone through my own adventure of simplifying…only I hadn’t simplified my home or my schedule. I’d simplified my faith. The process so profoundly altered me that I wrote about my journey in Alter Girl: Walking Away From Religion Into the Heart of Faith.

I actually didn’t realize at first that my faith needed simplifying. My East Coast Catholic upbringing was a strong and good one. Throughout the years, I wore several colors of plaid uniforms, went to Mass every Sunday and on Holy Days of Obligation, prayed the rosary, novenas and Stations of the Cross. I was happily devout and loved mingling with other like-minded happily devout Catholics.

In fact, I was so busy being religious, I forgot why I did all those things to begin with. It wasn’t until I moved out West and started dating a nondenominational Protestant that I gave it serious thought. Early in our relationship, Dean would ask me simple questions like, “Why do you do that?” I was challenged and rather offended. I’d never fielded questions like that, and my answers ranged from “because” to “that’s our tradition” to an exasperated “I don’t know!” After 18+ years of being a nearly straight-A Catholic student, I seemed to be failing the test.

Perhaps I did need to reexamine my practices. Perhaps in Marie Kondo-style I needed to take out all my religious stuff and review “what truly sparks joy?” What habits were I doing just because, and which ones genuinely touched my heart? Aided by these questions, I reevaluated and decluttered all the religious frippery until eventually my faith became simple, straightforward and personal. It all came down to a deep abiding friendship with Jesus. He is the Main Thing.

In Alter Girl, I share the full, messy details of this decluttering process in hopes of inviting others to do the same. If your faith has evolved from the traditions of your childhood, or if you’ve experienced a time of spiritual questioning, you’ll relate to my journey of undoing and redoing.

And if you’re reading this right now and the idea of simplifying your faith touches a chord, I encourage you to engage in a little decluttering yourself. Seek the practices that truly touch your heart and pull you into a deeper friendship with Jesus. Then freely release all the rest.

Andrea Syverson grew up a happily devout Catholic. After decades of plaid uniforms and even earning an MBA from a Catholic university, her life took an unexpected turn when she fell in love with a Protestant. You can read about her surprising spiritual journey in her Alter Girl: Walking Away From Religion Into the Heart of Faith.

That’s Love

February 13, 2019 by Nancy 18 Comments

A little two-year-old stops playing with her tea set and races to the door when the doorbell rings because she knows it might be her mom coming to get her. That’s love.

The blind man said, “Rabbi, I want to see.” “Go,” said Jesus, “your faith has healed you (Mark 10:51-52).” That’s love.

A badly injured dog struggles to walk across the room at the veterinary clinic where she is fighting for her life to lay her head on the shoulder of her worried owner. That’s love.

Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk (John 5:8).” That’s love.

Two women who normally attend an assisted living Bible study are conspicuously absent. The leader learns one of the women isn’t feeling well and the other wants to sit with her. That’s love.

“I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep (John 10:11).” That’s love.

A brand new mom gazes amazed into the eyes of her newborn son during the “getting to know you” stage of their lifelong relationship. That’s love.

“I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners (Mark 2:17).” That’s love.

A homeless man divides a roll he was given with hands wearing holey mittens and gives half to his homeless friend next to him. That’s love.

“For God did not send his son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him (John 3:17).” That’s love.

A woman with a houseful of kids to feed takes the time to make some soup for the elderly neighbor next door who is ailing. That’s love.

Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace (Luke 7:50).” That’s love.

A husband visits his wife in a care facility every day even though she no longer remembers him or their 60-year marriage. That’s love.

Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” “No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin (John 8:10-11).” That’s love.

A woman who recently lost her husband comes home to find that her family has beautifully decorated her home and yard for the Christmas season. That’s love.

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16).” That’s love.

A weary mom volunteers for extra carpool duty because she knows her friend is going through a hard time. That’s love.

In 1 John 4:19 we read, We love because he first loved us. That’s the kind of love we can see in our world when we look for it—the kind of love worth celebrating on Valentine’s Day and every day.

That’s Love

February 13, 2019 by Nancy Leave a Comment

Valentines, chocolates, red roses in a lovely vase—all these things say “I love you” on Valentine’s Day. But there’s more to love, isn’t there? I guess I’ve been tuned in to the variety of ways love is expressed since the years when I was single and didn’t have a special valentine. How is love expressed in the world? Let me count the ways.
A little two-year-old stops playing with her tea set and races to the door when the doorbell rings because she knows it might be her mom coming to get her. That’s love.
The blind man said, “Rabbi, I want to see.” “Go,” said Jesus, “your faith has healed you (Mark 10:51-52).” That’s love.
A badly injured dog struggles to walk across the room at the veterinary clinic where she is fighting for her life to lay her head on the shoulder of her worried owner. That’s love.
Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk (John 5:8).” That’s love.
Two women who normally attend an assisted living Bible study are conspicuously absent. The leader learns one of the women isn’t feeling well and the other wants to sit with her. That’s love.
“I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep (John 10:11).” That’s love.
A brand new mom gazes amazed into the eyes of her newborn son during the “getting to know you” stage of their lifelong relationship. That’s love.
“I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners (Mark 2:17).” That’s love.
A homeless man divides a roll he was given with hands wearing holey mittens and hands half to his homeless friend next to him. That’s love.
For God did not send his son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him (John 3:17). That’s love.
A woman with a houseful of kids to feed takes the time to make some soup for the elderly neighbor next door who is ailing. That’s love.
Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace (Luke 7:50).” That’s love.
A husband visits his wife in a care facility every day even though she no longer remembers him or their 60-year marriage. That’s love.
Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” “No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin (John 8:10-11).” That’s love.
A woman who recently lost her husband comes home to find that her family has beautifully decorated her home and yard for the Christmas season. That’s love.
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16).” That’s love.
A weary mom volunteers for extra carpool duty because she knows her friend is going through a hard time. That’s love.
In 1 John 4:19 we read, We love because he first loved us. That’s the kind of love we can see in our world when we look for it—the kind of love worth celebrating on Valentine’s Day and every day.

Who Comes to Book Signings?

January 28, 2019 by Nancy 18 Comments

Unless you are John Grisham or on trial for murdering your spouse with a dull spoon, the answer to the title question is “not many people at all.” Only a few times in my twenty plus years as an author have I had actual lines forming to obtain my signature, and then only when I’ve had a chance to speak first. But regardless, I packed up my low expectations and gratefully accepted an invitation to have a signing at the Barnes & Noble in Pueblo, CO, recently.

Was it a wasted afternoon? Not at all. How encouraging it was to walk in and see two of my titles, Take My Hand Again and The Hope of Glory, all piled up and waiting on a cloth-covered table by the door. Friendly employees offered a comfortable chair and any assistance I needed. Then I sat expectantly.

I did think most visitors to my table would be human, but was delighted when the first one to show any interest at all was a young golden doodle. She didn’t want to read the books, but didn’t chew on any either, so that was good. I loved seeing her pink bows.

At one point in the afternoon I thought I should check to see if someone had posted a sign on the front of the table reading, “Leave your best advice here.” First a gentleman stopped to peruse my books, then looked at me and asked, “Are you a Christian lady?” “Yes, I am,” I replied. “Well, do you know what EGO stands for?” he asked. “Edging God Out. We all have the power of the Holy Spirit in us but we don’t always tap into it because of our egos.” I agreed with him and he wandered off.

Next I was approached by a woman who also took the time to look at both books before offering, “Life’s a journey. We shouldn’t focus too much on the past or we’ll miss the present and the future.” Good advice, that.

The two visitors I enjoyed the most, however, were two older ladies who wandered by looking for a place to sit while their families shopped. I was happy to stand for a while, and they were happy to sit and visit.

The first woman, Faith, had owned an independent bookstore in Pueblo for years before retiring in her eighties. She cheerfully predicted a swing back to a preference for hard cover books, and her parting advice was that whatever our political persuasions, we should all write Congress hand-written letters—“the only ones that make a difference!”

And then there was the guest that made the whole afternoon worthwhile. Sadie accepted my offer of the chair as soon as she entered the store with her husband, daughter and son-in-law. “I don’t know why,” she said, “but when you turn 90 things just start going to pot. My feet hurt and I can’t shop like I used to.” Over the 30 minutes or so she kept me company, we shared details of our lives. She told me she was born in the US but raised in Mexico, returning to Pueblo in the Seventies. She and her husband of 72 years have 10 children, 30 grandchildren, and wait for it, 94 great and great-great grandchildren! I sheepishly told her that my first great grandchild was due any day.

Sharing that she couldn’t read my books due to macular degeneration, Sadie said, “I accept whatever the good Lord sends, but sometimes it makes me sad.” It made me sad, too.

While Sadie was sitting in my author chair, a young woman and her family entered the store. “Grandma!” she exclaimed. “What are you doing here?” Sadie rose to give hugs punctuated with kisses on both cheeks to the girl, her husband, and her son. They went off to shop. Sadie sat down, turned to me and said, “I know that’s one of my granddaughters, but I can’t remember her name.” Understandable. When Sadie’s daughter came to reclaim her, she cleared up the confusion. I got a Sadie hug, we said our goodbyes, and they left.

I did sell two books to other shoppers that afternoon, but driving home I realized that the Lord hadn’t sent me there to sell books, just to remember why I wrote books for the elderly and those who care for them in the first place. It was an afternoon well spent…and a success in that not a single person asked me if I knew where the bathroom was.

All Er Nuthin’

January 18, 2019 by Nancy 16 Comments

When Will Parker courts Ado Annie in the musical “Oklahoma!,” he wants to make sure she’s stopped fantasizing about a traveling peddler and is ready to be all in with him. The flirtatious back-and-forth in the song is great fun, and the chorus lingers long after you leave the theater. “With me it’s all er nuthin’. Is it all er nuthin’ with you?” Will sings.

Well, I’m all in with my husband and our thirty-year marriage. No question there. But Will’s question seems to apply to the rest of my life. I’ve discovered in my 71 years that either I’m disciplined in my eating, my exercise, my work and my spiritual life, or I’m not disciplined in any area at all. With me it’s all er nuthin’.

It’s the New Year. I don’t do resolutions, but I do have goals. Resolutions seem too daunting; goals seem more manageable because they can be broken down into bite-sized bits. And since we’ve mentioned bite-sized, let’s go ahead and discuss the bane of most women over 40—the diet! I was such a skinny little girl I was always being dragged to the doctor to make sure I wasn’t anemic, sick, or disappearing. That all changed when I turned 40, my first time to go to Weight Watchers, and became a very distant memory after 50. All I want to know is, how old do you have to be before you get to be a wizened old lady?

Anyone remember the grapefruit diet in the ‘80s? How about the cabbage soup diet? Evidently women today are just as gullible as we were back then, because there is no shortage of fad diets, “magic” weight loss pills, and eating plans on the market. Each time one disappoints, I hear my mom saying, “Moderation in all things.” (That works for me as long as I’m less than moderate with carbs.) No matter what the covers of magazines promise, the only solution is to eat less and move more. Find an eating plan that works for you and stick to it. Don’t be tempted to try whatever works for others! (Studies show Weight Watchers is still the safest, healthiest, most effective plan overall.)

So that’s handled. How about the “move more” advice? The key is to find something you really enjoy—and DO it! I can’t imagine how ginormous I would be if I stopped exercising, but I’ve done many different things over the years. I jogged three miles every morning until I decided I’d rather finish life with my own knees, so I started walking instead and still love to walk. For many years I also went to Curves, a fitness circuit with resistance training. Then I developed a heel problem and was surprised to learn how much I loved substituting swimming laps for anything load bearing.

Now? I’m a full-fledged Zumba grandma! Every time I leave a Zumba class at the Y I feel like a dancer. I’m exercised all over, and the music has put me in a better mood than I was in when I arrived. But to get that feeling, I have to GO, right? Simple. But it means saying no to lunch with friends on those days. Bummer? Not when you focus on the results.

And then there’s work. I haven’t had a dedicated writing schedule since my last book came out almost three years ago—and we moved at the same time. But now I have, wait for it, actual assignments! I know what to do, I just have to do it. I have to set mini-deadlines for myself that I hold so seriously that I tell myself that if I miss a deadline a vicious bear will come through my office window and eat me. Or my cat. Either way, I can’t miss a deadline. All er nuthin’.

And finally, spiritual discipline. I won’t be able to stick to any of the above if I ever abandon my morning quiet time with the Lord. That’s the one thing that has held steady through all the wishy-washiness of the last few years. (See the blog “Molly the Quiet Time Cat” on my website from years ago. Even she knew I needed this!) The Christian life is a life of full surrender. What follows turning your life over to the Lord? Grace, mercy, peace, and the blessings that flow from obedience. “I surrender all,” the old hymn says. Once we do, the power of the Holy Spirit gives us the strength to be disciplined in all areas of our lives if we will only tap into it. Then we can live with purpose, and reap the benefits for ourselves and others.

This blog post is a pep talk to myself for 2019. But what about you? “With me it’s all er nuthin’. Is it all er nuthin’ with you?”

What Happened?

January 8, 2019 by Nancy 1 Comment

It looks like my website randomly decided to republish a post from last June. Please disregard–or enjoy again! Hopefully this won’t keep happening. I’m looking into it and appreciate any clues any of you may have! God bless your day!

Keep the Joy

December 29, 2018 by Nancy 19 Comments

The post-holiday blues always seem to get me the day after Christmas. Obviously this isn’t a new problem, because this year I decided to search for some quick cures for these temporary blues on my computer—and what popped up was a newspaper column I wrote twenty years ago! What was my own advice to myself? Count your blessings. So I did, and I felt better immediately.

Both of the churches we regularly attend (long story) focused on the gift of joy this Christmas season, with the JOY candle shining brightly in their advent wreathes. In my son Tim’s church, the whole advent theme was Time for Joy, and they even had a red tractor in the entryway of the church to represent the fact that abiding joy in Christ can be cultivated through all of life’s seasons.

First Presbyterian Church, Colorado Springs, CO.

That’s another great cure for the post-holiday blues, remembering that joy isn’t only a gift at Christmas time, but can be ours all year long when we know where to search for it.

Chuck Swindoll knows. He had this to say about post-holiday blues in his book Come Before Winter: “When the wrappings and ribbons are in the trash, the manger scene is back in the attic, the friends and family have said good-bye, and the house feels empty and so do you—there is One who waits to fill your heart and renew your hope.”

The same One will restore your joy, and those who may have had much more than temporary blues throughout this Christmas season could need restoration. Even if we are in a good place emotionally, physically, and spiritually when the holiday season rolls around, we can still find it challenging. The busier schedule, the memories of people we have lost, the nostalgia, the unreasonable expectations, can all take a toll on our peace of mind and well-being. When someone is actively grieving the loss of someone they loved, or life has delivered a significant blow of any kind, it can be especially difficult to get through the holiday season feeling joy-filled.

So we all have to hold fast to whatever joy we can muster—and remember that it can be ours every day of the new year, not just when we are singing “Joy to the World.” We need to “repeat the sounding joy.” We need to seek it out and hold fast to it. And whenever we find we are running low on joy, we need to turn to the Lord and ask Him to fill us up from His infinite supply. (Nehemiah 8:10–“For the joy of the Lord is your strength.”)

Don’t pack away your joy with the Christmas decorations. Keep the joy. When necessary, seek the joy. And have a wonderful New Year!

The Sounds of Christmas

December 11, 2018 by Nancy 16 Comments

It may happen as early as October. You’re standing in the grocery store aisle trying to decide which of 15 oat and honey granolas would be best, when you suddenly realize you’re hearing Christmas carols coming from the store’s sound system. It strikes you as odd at first, but then you realize it’s just a sign that the holiday shopping frenzy is on the way!

Yet it’s not all bad. I actually love to hear Christmas carols any time of year. And although the Christmas season certainly has something to delight all our senses—the fresh smell of pine boughs, the twinkle of the lights, the creamy sweetness of a favorite fudge recipe—the sounds of Christmas are a cherished part of each year’s celebration.

Even the poet Henry Wadsworth Longfellow appreciated the importance of Christmas sounds when he penned the words to the familiar carol “I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day” for his church in 1864. The miseries of the Civil War were much with Longfellow as he wrote. He managed an optimistic first line reading, “I heard the bells on Christmas day, their old familiar carols play, and wild and sweet the words repeat of peace on earth, good will to men.”

But then in sadness he added, “And in despair, I bowed my head: There is no peace on earth, I said; For hate is strong, and mocks the song of peace on earth, good will to men.” Gratefully he went on to write, “Yet pealed the bells more loud and deep: God is not dead, nor doth He sleep; the wrong shall fail, the right prevail, with peace on earth, good will to men.”

Those words are as comforting today as they must have been to those in Longfellow’s Boston Sunday school class decades ago. Can we let the sounds of Christmas peal in our hearts again? The carols we love can soothe our souls if we really listen to the words, and should be the primary soundtrack of our Christmas season—not just the background music in the grocery store. Add a choir singing Handel’s Messiah with full orchestral accompaniment to the mix, and you’ll be truly blessed!

And oh, the bells! I was blessed to live in a small town in Germany many years ago and can still remember the church bells ringing out familiar carols at Christmas time. Carillons and bell towers in small towns in America still do the same. Seek one out, bundle up on a bench nearby, and let the bells minister to you.

Listen for the sounds of Christmas in your own home, too. Coffee perking before everyone is up on Christmas morning. Perhaps children or grandchildren squealing with delight when they see their gifts. Laughter and conversation around the Christmas dinner table.

But may you also have moments of quiet solitude when you can reflect on the words of the angel accompanied by the songs of the heavenly host so long ago: “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord (Luke 2:10-11).”

Me in the Middle

November 30, 2018 by Nancy 22 Comments

I’ve just returned from a visit with my two sisters in Tennessee and have been reflecting on the fact that except for the four years before my younger sister was born, I’ve always been the one in the middle. Not Malcolm in the middle or even monkey in the middle, but me in the middle!

My parents spaced us roughly four years apart so they wouldn’t have more than one child in college at a time. When we were growing up, that four-year spread seemed huge, but at the ages we are now it’s almost non-existent. My two sisters are like bookends on my life. I can fall over in either direction and I’ll have a sister to catch me and prop me up.

And I truly am the middle in so many ways: the middle size, the middle temperament, the middle energy level. Together we were known in our hometown of Knoxville, TN, as “The Parker Girls,” and I’m as proud to be referred to as one of those three girls as I ever was.

"The Parker Girls" in '83 and '03. — “The Parker Girls” in ’83 and ’03.

Studies on middle children state that they tend to be good negotiators—especially when it comes to getting what they want. “Middle-borns are the most willing to wheel and deal,” said birth order expert Dr. Frank Sulloway in an article by Natalie Lorenzi on Parents.com website. They are agreeable, diplomatic, and compromising, and they handle disappointment well. They have realistic expectations, are the least likely to be spoiled, and they tend to be the most independent.

First-borns are commonly characterized as perfectionists with take charge personalities. They are often confident over-achievers, since they had the most time to emulate the adult behaviors of their parents. Youngest children, however, are characterized as more carefree and easy-going, fun-loving, affectionate and sociable. They like to make people laugh.

Knowing my sisters and myself as I do, I have to say parts of those descriptions fit. But in truth each of us has displayed all these characteristics from time to time. We’ve always resisted any urge to label or stereotype one another, and never ordered the T-shirts with funny sayings about being the oldest, the middle one, or the baby of the family. We are simply sisters, with a family history only the three of us share. We can quote our Mom or Daddy and we all “get it” without explanation. We shared a home with a barn and horses, clothes, make-up, and family vacations in the ’59 Chevy station wagon. We survived driving mishaps, boyfriends, and marriages together. We always did and always will want the best for one another.

How grateful I am to be able to say along with Sister Sledge, “We are family. I’ve got all my sisters with me!” Whether near or far, we are always close at heart. And from my perspective, being in the middle is the perfect spot to be. Love you, sisters!

Grateful for the Fruit

November 15, 2018 by Nancy 22 Comments

My son Tim McConnell, lead pastor of First Presbyterian Church in Colorado Springs, is currently preaching a sermon series on GENTLENESS—part of the fruit of the Spirit listed in the Bible in Galatians 5:22-23. Listening to his encouragement that gentleness should be evident in the lives of believers today more than ever, I was reminded of a time when I saw the fruit of the Spirit come alive in a very real way.

It was years ago at a special prayer session called by the executive director of a nonprofit ministry where I volunteered. Family Life Services is a residential facility for single moms and their kids and, like many small nonprofits, it is a “pray and patch as we go” type of ministry.

On this particular evening a group of board members, staff members, and volunteers gathered to pray for the ministry in a more intentional way than we had for years. We were asked to begin our individual prayer time by finding a quiet place on the grounds, and by asking the Lord what He would have us pray for.

As I walked across the lawn, so many of the needs we had ran through my mind. We needed funds to replace some plaster falling from the ceiling on the third floor of the Victorian house that serves as ministry headquarters. We needed new carpeting. We needed someone to donate grounds keeping services. More important, we needed childcare volunteers for Thursday evenings when the moms meet for group counseling.

But then I quieted my mind and my heart and asked the Lord how He would have me pray. Clearly I heard Him say, “Pray for PEACE in times of conflict. Pray for LOVE to surround the mothers and children.”

When the group reconvened after 30 minutes of individual prayer, we shared what each of us had heard from the Lord. Soon it became evident that He had not instructed us to pray for anything tangible. The words GOODNESS and PATIENCE were quickly added to PEACE and LOVE. By the time we got all the way around the table, I realized that the Lord had instructed us to pray for everything comprising the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. All gifts available through the Holy Spirit to those who believe in Jesus Christ.

What JOY we felt as we realized how intimately He was involved in our ministry. How encouraging it was to know that He cared enough to lead our prayers in the direction that would accomplish His purposes. Even when our eyes were focused on the things right in front of us, the Lord’s eyes were on the whole mission of the ministry and the lives He knew could be changed.

We need to remember to pray for the fruit of the Spirit to be evident not only in our own lives and personal ministries, but in the lives of all those for whom we pray. Instead of asking for a friend’s relief from financial or health concerns, maybe we should be praying that she will have JOY in the midst of the trials, or PATIENCE to wait for God’s solution in His time.

We can encourage a friend by telling her when we see the GENTLENESS in her response to a situation or the KINDNESS she shows to her elderly neighbor. Maybe you notice that someone who struggles with the need to gossip about others makes a conscious effort not to do so, and you can praise her for her SELF-CONTROL. Certainly a volunteer who dedicates year after year to a church or school near you should be commended for her FAITHFULNESS.

In this season of Thanksgiving, I choose to be grateful for the fruit of the Spirit. By recognizing it in others and affirming what we see, we can make this world a gentler place. And by praying for that fruit to be evident in us, we can live more fruitful lives.