Back Porch Break & Take My Hand Again Blog Posts

The Easter Cactus

March 23, 2016 by Nancy 14 Comments

My Christmas cactus is blooming for Easter this year! The botanical explanation may be that we moved to a new house and it’s reacting to different light exposure. But a more sacred reason comes to mind whenever I gaze its way.

How appropriate that a Christmas cactus would bloom at Easter to remind us that the two holy celebrations are intrinsically connected…inseparable in fact. For Christians, Christmas and Easter only exist because of Jesus Christ, the Son of God who dwelled among us. Had He not come to earth, we would have no resurrection to celebrate. Had He not given Himself to die on the cross, we would have no reason to acknowledge His arrival. Without Easter, Christmas is just a materialistic season of overspending and overeating. Without Christmas, Easter is just an extravagant brunch with a lot of candy and brightly colored eggs. One loses all meaning without the other.

Is there value in gathering together with friends and family over the Christmas season to exchange gifts and restore relationships? Of course there is. Is there value in rejoicing in the arrival of spring and celebrating all that’s fresh and new with fluffy chicks and rabbits? Of course there is.

Anyone who knows me knows that I love to decorate for Christmas. I also love rabbits, and have decorative ones all over my house at Easter time. The danger is in letting all the trappings of either holiday obscure the message that can transform us not twice a year, but each day and forever.

Nowhere is that message more clearly stated than in God’s Word and by Jesus Himself. In John 3:16-17 Jesus taught, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.”

Always clear about His mission, Jesus comforted his grieving friend Martha by saying, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies, and whoever lies and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?” (John 11:25-26)

He was sent in love. He died in love. He was resurrected and lives forever. And because He lives, so do those who believe in Him. It’s as simple as that. Jesus Christ always was and always will be. Christmas and Easter are merely the bookends of His sinless earthly life, but to celebrate one without the other makes no sense at all.

My Christmas cactus is so grateful for life that it just had to bloom this Easter! May the same be said of us. Have a joyful Easter—and look for opportunities to bloom!

Welcome, Fickle Spring!

March 12, 2016 by Nancy 15 Comments

Let’s face it. Spring is as fickle as a junior high girlfriend. With other seasons you pretty much know what to expect. Stereotypically, summer will be warm and sunny. Fall will be golden and cool. Winter will be frigid and blustery. But spring? She’s just unpredictable and flighty.

Of course the characterization of spring depends on where you live in this geographically diverse country of ours. When I was a coed at the University of Tennessee in Knoxville, at the first hint of spring in March my friends and I donned last summer’s swimsuits and went up on the roof of the dorm to get started on our suntans. We applied copious amounts of iodine and baby oil and put sheets of aluminum foil under our chins to reflect the rays. (This tanning strategy is why most dermatologist offices are now populated with aging Baby Boomers dealing with the consequences of such spring folly!)

Now that I live in Colorado, I’m used to March being the month when we see our biggest accumulations of snow. Yet this month can unexpectedly throw in a day so warm and sunny that the college coeds of today go skiing in their bikinis! (And spring skiing is simply the best.)

We don’t expect spring to settle in and sustain herself in April around here either. My husband’s birthday is April 30, and I have more than one photo of him shoveling snow on his birthday. But by then hearty crocuses, tulips, and daffodils have begun to break through the ground and amazingly seem to survive the occasional blanket of snow. This is the month spring toys with our emotions until she’s ready to reveal herself in all her glory in May.

Of course I’m not the first writer to note spring’s whimsical nature and inconsistency. Odes and tips of the pen to spring from well-known poets like Keats, Dickinson and Tennyson are replete with observations about both the beauty and the capriciousness of the season. However, perhaps no poem speaks to spring’s determination to tease us as well as this little preschool rhyme:

Some days seem like winter,
Some are nice and warm.
Rainy days and windy days,
Maybe it will storm.
Warm or cold or wet or dry,
What will the weather be?
I think Spring is trying to play
Peek-a-boo with me!

However long spring dallies with your emotions this year, find joy in the gentle rains, the bird songs, the warm breezes, the green sprouts, the resilient blossoms, and yes, even the moist snow. Take the advice of fashion designer Lilly Pulitzer who said, “Despite the forecast, live like it’s spring.”

I Love Your Face

February 12, 2016 by Nancy 18 Comments

I was recently reminded of this favorite post and thought it would be a good reminder to think about all the faces we love this Valentine’s Day! Our grandson Peter, 3, was being buckled into his car seat by his mom, Abigail, when he suddenly said, “Mom, I love your face.” The full breadth and depth of his heartfelt sentiment might have been: “You’re a wonderful mother and I’m so glad you’re mine. I love you.” But the three-year-old translation was, “I love your face.”

After smiling about this “grandparent pleaser” for awhile I realized there’s a deeper meaning there. Haven’t we all felt like Peter did at some point or another, whether we expressed it or not? We all know the thrill of running into someone we truly like, even love, but don’t see nearly often enough. We see their faces and immediately our heart leaps as our mind travels through all the memories we share. Whether it’s an old friend, a favorite teacher, or a former work colleague, it’s a treat to see them again. We may say, “You’re a sight for sore eyes!” But we really mean, “I love your face.”

Faces help us connect with those we don’t know as well also. Once I saw someone in the grocery store that I knew I recognized, but I didn’t know why I knew her. Adding to my confusion was that I immediately associated her with pain and sadness. Finally, the third time our carts crossed paths, I ventured, “I feel like I know you from someplace.” She said she felt the same way, and we began questioning one another until I realized she had been the kindest of the aides who attended my mother-in-law in assisted living before she passed away. I remembered her face because of her kindness, but I associated her with pain because it was such a difficult time for us. “God bless you,” she said as we parted, and I was glad our faces had helped us reconnect.

It’s through the faces of those we love that we get the best read on how they truly are. Just one look at your spouse’s face at the end of the day and you know how trying or victorious the day has been. And whether it’s the two-year-old ready to throw a tantrum, or the teenager thinking about a question he hopes you won’t ask—it’s all written on their faces.

The older I get, the dearer the faces I love are to me. It’s a shock to go to a high school reunion and observe that the faces I remember have gotten so old. Yet to drastically alter our faces in the losing battle against aging is to rob those who care about us of a face they love!

I hope I’ll have the courage to let my face age naturally until that day when I will see the Lord’s face “like the sun shining in all its brilliance” (Revelation 1:16). When I do, I feel sure I will tell Him, “I love your face.”

“Clarity” for 2016

January 20, 2016 by Nancy 14 Comments

Sometimes you choose a word; sometimes a word chooses you. Several people I admire have announced a “one-word theme” for 2016. Words like strength, inspiration, courage. Yet I didn’t think I had a word for this year. Then it descended upon me like the dove that lands on my neighbor’s roof early each morning. Clarity. My word is clarity.

Now that I know my word, however, I have to admit that I’m not clear what it means or why it’s to be my word for the year! It’s possible it will take me all year to unpack it fully. Yet a few applications are evident.

I do want clarity in my work life. The last two books I’ve written, The Hope of Glory and Take My Hand Again, have received positive, heartfelt reviews from people who have read them. I know they could be encouraging many more people to navigate old age gracefully, or to help aging parents face the future with hope and optimism. And so I pray for clarity about how to reach more readers.

I want clarity in my relationships. At 68, I can no longer think of myself as middle-aged. I have yet to meet anyone 136. I want to look at the relationships that mean the most to me with renewed clarity and to never take a single one of them for granted. Have I told the people I love how much I love them? Have I clearly told my friends how much they have contributed to my life? Have I cleared up any misunderstandings and asked for forgiveness if necessary? If not, this is the year for such clarity.

I want clarity in my spiritual walk. Paul wrote to the Corinthians, “For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known” (1 Cor. 13:12 KJV). I know I won’t have perfect clarity about all things spiritual until I see the Lord face to face, but through prayer, studying the Word, and the fellowship of believers, I hope to wipe away a bit more of the fog this year. Psalm 119:105 has always been an encouraging verse for me. It reads: “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.” I trust that if I stay in this light I will clearly see where to place my foot next on my spiritual journey.

Where else will a focus on the word clarity take me this year? Clarity about what eating plan to follow or where to exercise? Time will tell. For now it’s written in capital letters on a sticky note stuck to the bookshelf above my computer. Clearly, it’s a start.

All the best to all of you as you seek to discern what the New Year has to offer. I’d love to hear your one-word theme if you have one. Happy 2016!

Looking Back…Briefly

December 30, 2015 by Nancy 12 Comments

A funny thing happened at my church last Sunday. A computer glitch prevented the words from the praise songs to appear on the screen in front of the worship center, so everyone in the congregation turned to read the words on the screen on the back wall. The screen usually seen only by the worship team.

I had slipped into the restroom just before the service, so imagine my surprise when I came in a back door to find that the whole congregation was facing backward…and seeing me walk in! Families arriving late who thought they were sneaking into the back of the church were similarly surprised.

We all had a good laugh about the computer glitch and the creative solution, but later I thought, “What an appropriate way to worship God on the last Sunday of the year: looking back with praise to Him for all He did and all He brought us through.”

The challenge is to look back this time of year without getting stuck in the past. We need to look back to remember the good and the bad, and the way our lives were protected and directed by God. We need to look back to decide what, if anything, is worth carrying with us into the next year. What relationships, what goals, what challenges? But then it’s time to turn all the way around, face the future, and move into the new year with confidence that He who got us this far won’t abandon us now.

Sometimes we know what the next year will bring. Graduations are on the books. Plans for a June wedding are in place. A move or a new job is in the wind. An elective surgery is scheduled. A vacation deposit is made. But more often we aren’t sure what will happen between the sunrises and sunsets of the days that make up the year to come.

So much uncertainty can be unsettling. Then we remember that God said, “I the Lord do not change” (Malachi 3:6). And so we trust. We turn to face the new year head on, full of confidence and belief not in ourselves, but in the One who loves us, holds our days in His hands, and promises us eternal life through faith in His Son, Jesus Christ.

May God bless and keep you in 2016. Happy New Year!

Christmas Snow

December 22, 2015 by Nancy 8 Comments

The prognosticators say it may happen. We may see a fresh blanket of snow in our town on Christmas Day. Some say Christmas snow is magical…and perhaps it is. Was it really the top hat that brought Frosty the Snowman to life, or the snow itself?

But Christmas snow is more than magical to me. There’s a spiritual quality about it. Softly and silently it covers the last of the rusty old leaves in the gutters and curbs, the stained driveways and the potholed roads. Similarly, it seems to cover all the pain and disappointment of the past year, sending the heavenly message, “See, I am doing a new thing!” (Isaiah 43:19)

The year my husband and I lost both our moms we had great hopes for Christmas snow. Could it obscure those lingering, haunting memories of their last days on earth and leave only the good ones? Could it bring back my little-girl memories of making snow ice cream with my mom in our kitchen in Tennessee? Could it remind my husband of coming into his Colorado home, his mittens frozen from building snowmen, to his mom’s steaming hot cocoa with marshmallows?

Could it even bring us memories of my mom arriving at our frosty airport in her smart tweed suit, or of his mom coming up the snowy walk for Christmas dinner in her red coat, a bowl of homemade cranberry sauce in hand? We don’t question their joyful existence now near the heavenly “storehouses of the snow” (Job 38:22), but this time of year we sure miss our moms.

On Christmas morning we will celebrate the fact that God, in His great love for the people He created, sent His only Son to live among us, breathe our air, and close the gap sin created between us and God for eternity. If the fresh, white snow arrives, it will remind me that someday, only because of the grace and mercy God bestows on me, I will stand before Him in a spotless robe as white as snow. (Rev. 7:9-14)

The Christmas snow may come this year. If so, will you let it speak to you? Have a blessed and merry Christmas.

Holiday Transitions

November 24, 2015 by Nancy 15 Comments

As the leftover items from our yard sale were loaded into a big truck to be donated to a worthwhile charity this past summer, it wasn’t seeing doll furniture or well-loved dishes disappearing through the big open doors on the side of the truck that made me cry. It was the big straw turkey that had been a part of our Thanksgiving decorations for many years. He seemed to be looking at me saying, “What did I do? Didn’t I faithfully sit on your front porch through all kinds of weather? And I have to tell you, that pumpkin rotting next to me didn’t smell so good either!”

But he had to go because we were “downsizing.” Not only did I think there wouldn’t be a spot for him on our new front porch, I didn’t think we would want to store him the other 11 months of the year. Bye-bye turkey.

That’s just one of the holiday tradition transitions that we’ll be experiencing this year. With every move the question is always asked: Where will we put the Christmas tree in this new house? After a move like ours, the question will more likely be: Do we still have a tree? If so, where is it? And did we keep those dangling icicle lights or did we toss them?

Changes in holiday traditions can be unsettling. There’s comfort in knowing the fall leaves, pumpkins and gourds always go on the mantel at Thanksgiving, and the nativity set is always set up on the buffet in the dining room for Christmas. But what if you move to a home without a mantel? What if you sold the buffet at auction and got a pitiful amount for it? (Sorry, touchy subject there.)

I know I’ll enjoy decorating our new, smaller home for the holidays this year, and I will appreciate our decorations even more because they survived the move. Due to sentimental attachment or simple oversight, whatever we have now wasn’t culled, so decorating will be like introducing old friends to our new home. I’ll try to focus not on what has changed, but on what will never change.

Gone is the big oak dining table with three leaves that expanded to ten feet long. Yet no matter who sits around our smaller Thanksgiving table this year, we’ll still have warm memories of all the faces who’ve been around our table in years past. We’ll still get a lump in our throats when each person shares what he or she is most grateful for this year, and we’ll still praise God and thank Him for all the blessings He bestows on us day after day—including the opportunity to downsize.

When Christmas rolls around our cat, Molly, will still take up residence under the tree. We’ll still have the crèches and tree ornaments that remind us of the reason for the season: For to us a child is born, to us a son is given…And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6). My husband will still say that “Mary, Did You Know?” is his favorite Christmas song, and singing “Silent Night” by candlelight on Christmas Eve will still bring tears to my eyes. Yes, there will be changes and transitions this holiday season, but the people we love will seem even dearer, and the God we serve will still be sovereign over all. The best things in life transition well.

Valuable Resources on Aging

November 17, 2015 by Nancy 3 Comments

Enhancing the lives of older adults and those who care for them.

Dear friends, I honestly don’t expect to become rich and famous from these two books, but I know from feedback I’ve gotten from those who have used them that they meet definite needs. Therefore I’m trying to do everything I can to get the word out about their availability. If you know anyone caring for an older adult, or working in eldercare or care giving, please share this blog post with them. Thanks so very much.

THE HOPE OF GLORY is a devotional guide for older adults that brings a message of eternal hope as it reminds seniors who they are in God’s eyes: not old and useless, but men and women created in His image who still have a life to live and a story to tell. The 57 time-tested, interactive devotions (5 are for special holidays) are designed for:
» Seniors 65 and over.
» Group classes in Assisted Living or Skilled Nursing Communities, Senior Centers, and Church Sunday Schools.
» Meaningful one-to-one visits with older adults.

Published by Lighthouse Publishing of the Carolinas, 2014. 294 pages. Winner of an Illumination Book Award for Excellence in Christian Publishing. Available in print or electronic form from Amazon.com, Barnesandnoble.com.

TAKE MY HAND AGAIN is a faith-based guide for helping aging parents. The change in roles when adult children must begin caring for their aging parents is confusing and daunting. Those who wish they had a good friend or neighbor who traveled this path before them will find this companion guide especially helpful. Take My Hand Again includes an overview of common care options and questions to ask—of professionals, of prospective care facilities, and of the aging adults themselves. Readers will find much-needed hope and encouragement from real-life stories sprinkled with humor and relevant Scripture that give valuable insight into the challenges of the aging process. This book provides practical help for every step of the caregiving journey. Assisted living facilities find it helpful to give a copy to each family that comes to them for help.

Published by Kregel Publications, 2015. 224 pages. Available in bookstores or online at Amazon.com or Barnesandnoble.com.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Nancy Parker Brummett is the author of six books. Her writing and speaking ministries now focus on older adults and those who care for them. Nancy journeyed with her mother and mother-in-law through their adventures in aging and holds a professional certificate in gerontology. The Hope of Glory is a collection of lessons she wrote while volunteering to lead a devotional hour in assisted living. Take My Hand Again is based on her personal experiences, interviews with others in caregiving roles, and relevant research. For more information on Nancy’s life and work, or to schedule her to speak, visit her website at www.nancyparkerbrummett.com or find her on Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIn.

Family Markers

November 11, 2015 by Nancy 24 Comments

My sisters and I had a unique and humbling experience recently. We were asked by citizens of a neighborhood in Knoxville, TN, where I grew up, to attend the dedication of a historical marker erected in honor of some of our French-Swiss ancestors who settled in East Tennessee in the mid-1800s. Alongside the marker was an old mill grindstone, donated by our family.

My great-grandparents, Alfred and Elisa Buffat, founded the Buffat Mill which became the largest grist mill south of the Ohio River. Like other families of French-Swiss immigrants, they settled in the valleys of East Tennessee, close to the Appalachian Mountains, because the region reminded them of their home in Switzerland. The site for the grist mill was by a creek that still runs through the property today.

In 1976 my father donated some of the land he had inherited to the county for the establishment of a neighborhood park. It was in this park, by the creek, that the ceremony dedicating the marker was held on a drizzly day the end of October.

My sister Mary, Knox County Mayor Tim Birchett, and me. — My sister Mary, Knox County Mayor Tim Burchett, and me.

As I sat there with my sisters, listening to the mayor speak about the importance of community and legacy, I was fighting back tears. I knew how very proud my dad would be that his grandparents were being honored in this way. And I was proud of him for all he did to preserve their legacy. “You won’t know where you are going if you don’t know where you’ve been,” he would tell my sisters and me as he launched into another history lesson about our family. We would roll our eyes, impatient to go outside and play.

At some point the stone was moved to the front yard of our family home where it sat for decades surrounded by flowers and shrubbery until my sister Mary arranged for it to be donated this year. “I remember sitting on the stone eating my peanut butter and jelly sandwich on days Mom would pack my lunch and send me on an adventure,” my sister Patty said. Now we sat looking at the stone in its place of honor.

Although I wrote a book about my great-grandmother Elisa in 2000, The Journey of Elisa, I don’t feel I’ve done enough to pass family history down to my own kids and grandkids, and I vow to look for more opportunities to do so. After all, don’t they deserve a chance to roll their eyes at me?

My friend Jan Keller, publisher of The Country Register, came up with a creative way to share family history. She and her husband visited the homestead of her pioneering ancestors in Eastern Colorado. The homestead once included an old rock well house and a windmill. Collecting a few of the rocks now scattered on the ground, she gave one to each grandchild for Christmas along with a little book telling them about their great-great-great grandparents! Jan said, “I told them their Grandpa Joe touched those rocks many times as he built the homestead, and now they have one they can touch.”

If Jan and I have such “family markers” in our families, surely you do also. If necessary do some research and learn stories about ancestors that you can share with those who follow you. There could be a grindstone or an old rock well house in your family’s history, too. Or perhaps your family markers include a productive farm or a grocery store that sustained a community for generations. Regardless, we all have family markers, and they are all worth remembering.

View a YouTube video of Nancy talking about The Journey of Elisa in 2011 here:

Feeling Invisible

October 13, 2015 by Nancy 20 Comments

A common comment coming from the lips of aging adults with enough boldness to speak the truth is, “I feel invisible.” In her book Voices of Aging, author Missy Buchanan presents perspectives on several key topics from the point of view of the adult child and the aging parent. One elder said, “Sometimes I feel obsolete. Unnecessary. Irrelevant. Like a carton of milk whose expiration date is long past.” Another aging parent said, “I remember sitting in my room while my children talked about me as if I weren’t even there.”

No one should feel so invisible. If we take the time to look into the eyes of older people, and truly listen to what they say, it’s possible to see both who they were, and who they still are.

“Don’t judge my story by the chapter you walked in on,” reads a poignant anonymous quote. But isn’t that what we do? If we meet someone for the first time at the end of their lives, don’t we too often forget that this is simply one chapter? Would we want those who meet us later in life to make that same error in judgment?

This week I will add another assisted living Bible study class to my schedule. I sought a location close to our new home so it will be easy for me to visit there during inclement weather. I felt the Lord leading me to the place I selected, but when I met with the activities director there I learned that 90% of the residents have dementia. Will they still have moments of clarity when they can hear the truth of the gospel presented in the lessons in The Hope of Glory? Will the old hymns stimulate their long-term memories and put a smile on their faces? I pray so. But if not, the homemade cookies and hugs I offer will have to be enough of a reason to show up.

Most important, as I look forward to meeting these dear old souls, I pray I’ll be able to see who they were at a younger age, and who they authentically are today. I want to know about the earlier chapters of their no doubt fascinating lives, and appreciate the totality of the lives they have lived. I don’t want them to say, like another older person in Buchanan’s book, “My life is a library filled with books that no one reads anymore—books of adventure and romance, advice and how-tos.” As I get to know them, I hope to explore all the volumes of their lives.

Even people in their sixties, those categorized as “young seniors” but on the far side of “prime,” can feel invisible at times. Meeting the residents in the patio home community to which we moved this past summer, I sometimes think quietly to myself, “I sure wish I’d known you sooner.” And I wouldn’t be surprised if those who met me for the first time thought the same thing.

Recently we had a social gathering in our community and as I met each 60-plus person I couldn’t help but surmise: He must have been an effective CEO before he retired. She was obviously a beauty queen or a cheerleader. He was probably an excellent athlete earlier. She has no doubt been a patron of the arts her whole life. That couple must have always been partiers! Seeing them as they are now provided me with plenty of clues to the earlier chapters in their lives, and I’m looking forward to getting to know more about each person here. None will be invisible to me.

From the youngest to the oldest, we can all feel invisible at times. Yet we are never invisible in God’s eyes. He always sees us as we are and wherever we are, and only He sees who we ultimately will be when all the trappings of this earth fall away. Invisible? Not on His watch.