Back Porch Break

A Satisfying Summer

August 28, 2020 by Nancy 21 Comments

So you read this title and thought: It’s happened. The woman is delusional or has been living in a cave. Doesn’t she know that a pandemic spread across the world cancelling life as we knew it? Doesn’t she know that violence is destroying some of America’s most renowned cities and wildfires are raging? Doesn’t she know that the political divide has never been deeper, and that the fate of our nation rests on the outcome of the next election? Yes, yes, and yes. I know all that.

But I’m also aware that while we’ve been distracted, concerned, confused, fearful, and maybe just plain mad about all the above, summer simply made her seasonal appearance. And, at least in our corner of the world, she did so in a spectacular and satisfying way.

Although September in Colorado brings many beautiful, warm days, summer always seem to be officially over when school starts—either in classrooms or virtually as this year. So I’m already reflecting on what was so special about a summer that may have slipped by unnoticed.

My husband and I had extra time on our hands which we chose to spend outside walking, swimming, or gardening whenever we could. We actually got tan through the sunblock this year! That’s summer.

After five years in this house, we finally had our own charm (the group name) of hummingbirds. One morning I counted five at the feeder at once! I know for some of you that’s still a paltry few, but since sightings have been so rare for us it was exciting enough for me to put up an extra feeder. Each morning and evening I’ve been charmed by their antics. That’s summer.

Our flowers outdid themselves. The clematis and rose bush in our front yard bloomed not once but twice, and the pots of annuals on the deck performed profusely too. There’s just something about going out barefooted early each morning to water your plants. That’s summer.

The farmers’ market brought fresh green beans, peaches, and homegrown tomatoes, and my son’s vegetable garden produced a bountiful harvest, too. That’s summer.

We’re blessed to have two parks near us and though organized sports leagues were cancelled, the sound of children playing was reassuringly normal. We heard the crack of the bat from pick up baseball games, got to pet all the dogs on their way to the dog park, and even caught sight of a kite stuck in a tree. That’s summer.

Did you miss it? If so, it’s not too late. Set aside your worries about all the things you can’t do much about anyway and get outside so God’s gift of summer can speak to you. You’ll find her message quite soothing and satisfying.

In Case You Didn’t Know

July 30, 2020 by Nancy 12 Comments

Sometimes scientific research produces results that are amazing, and sometimes the end result of all that time and money spent is simply duh-mazing. The conclusion is so obvious any one of us could have arrived at it ourselves.

For example, friendship has been the topic of many research studies over the past few decades. One Harvard study followed a class of graduates for 80 years to determine, among other lifestyle factors, how friendship affected their well-being. Other friendship studies Google lists cover how long it takes to make a friend, what attracts one person to another in a friendship-building sort of way, how marriage partners often value their friendship over their sex life, and even how friendship can make the difference in later years in the fight against isolation and loneliness. This is all well and good, but didn’t we know this before? Anyone with even one friend reaps the benefits and knows the value of friendship. Do we really need scientists to tell us it’s important?

Another topic for research? Gratitude. Studies show that grateful people are generally less depressed, less stressed, and for the most part happier than people who fail to recognize all the many things in their lives for which to be thankful. Robert A. Emmons, Ph.D., wrote a book titled Thanks! How Practicing Gratitude Can Make You Happier. In the book the author, who is editor-in-chief of the Journal of Positive Psychology—examines “what it means to think and feel gratefully and invites readers to learn how to put this powerful emotion into practice.” Scientifically speaking, Emmons states, “regular grateful thinking can increase happiness by as much as 25 percent.” I read enough of the book to say the material is well-presented and interesting, and I’m sure his study is empirically sound, but for the most part I already knew that. You?

And then there’s the subject of kindness. A recent AP article on kindness reported that a University of California Riverside psychology professor conducted numerous experiments over 20 years and “repeatedly found that people feel better when they are kind to others, even more than when they are kind to themselves.” Subjects who went out of their way to do an extra three acts of kindness each week for others, even small things like opening a door, “became happier and felt more connected to the world.” OK, then. No surprises there!

As I read the results from all these studies I couldn’t help but think our mothers were right. To make a friend be a friend. Be thankful for what you have and express your gratitude to others. Treat people the way you want to be treated (The Golden Rule). In other words, find a friend, be grateful for that friend, do something kind for that friend…and be happy! No scientific study required.

What I’ve Learned…So Far

May 15, 2020 by Nancy 23 Comments

See the missing piece? They are sending a new puzzle.

I know we will soon be deluged with articles listing things we’ve learned from being quarantined or sheltered-in-place because of the coronavirus, so I figured I’d get mine out early! They will be like those annoying lists of bests and worsts at the end of the year. Less is more.

But I have learned a few things, and I’m assuming you have also:

•To open those plastic produce bags at the grocery without licking your finger under your mask, use a small spritz of hand sanitizer from your purse.
•Don’t wear hoop earrings with your mask. The elastic bands get all tangled with the hoops and you might lose one. Studs work better.
•Jigsaw puzzles are way more fun, and way more addicting, than I knew.
•A shelter-in-place order can substitute for years of marriage counseling to find out if you married the right person. Gratefully, I did.
•Laughing until you pee your pants works better when close to your own bathroom. This can happen at any moment.
•Watching too much TV, streaming, etc., can give you a headache!
•Never take going out to dinner, or even sitting in a movie theater eating popcorn and sipping on a soda, for granted.
•Take-out meals never taste quite as good as they did in the restaurant.
•There’s no end to the creativity crisis can inspire in people! Such amazing videos of Rube Goldberg gadgetry, pet tricks, songfests, funny memes, etc. My favorite? “I’ve washed my hands so much I just found the answers to my 7th grade history test!”
•ZOOMing is just like Hollywood Squares and can be more fun unless you try to sing Happy Birthday all at once. Don’t try that. It doesn’t work!
•A little Covid-19 news, complete with maps and charts, goes a long way. If you wake up and don’t feel sick, have a cup of coffee, take a walk, wave at a neighbor, and find something productive to do with your day.

Most important, NONE of the above matters. We are blessed if we are sheltering-in-place in a home of our choosing with running water and plenty of toilet paper! Touch of Love International is helping those less fortunate in other countries. Visit here if you’d like to contribute to their Covid-19 Relief Fund. And remember to say your prayers. God’s got this.

While in Exile

March 18, 2020 by Nancy 24 Comments

So I’ve just sorted through several small baskets of toiletries stashed on bathroom shelves and under the sink searching for any hand sanitizer I might have squirreled away. I didn’t find any, but if you’re in need of any dried up, odd shades of lipstick, I’m your girl!

One thing we all have in common right now, other than searching for hand sanitizer, is how to react to this period of exile. I’ve read perspectives on the coronavirus and its effect on “life as we knew it” from the deeply spiritual to the very humorous. There is no shortage of advice on this serious situation. (Which didn’t stop me from sharing my own, you’re thinking!)

As much as I’ve appreciated and shared all the spiritual insights and guidance (DO read Psalm 91), I’ve noticed that the humor helps, too. One person posted on Facebook, “I have to wonder if all this is happening because I didn’t forward that message to 10 people.” Another post read, “The babies born nine months from now will be known as the Coronial Generation.”

And it seems as if this unprecedented period is bringing out our true personality types. One of the funnier things I read is that when the CDC says for us to avoid large crowds, stay six feet apart, and stay home as much as possible, the introvert thinks, “I’ve waited my whole life for this!” It’s the more extroverted types who may hyperventilate upon hearing that restaurants, gyms, movie theaters, concert venues, amusement parks and churches are all closed.

Yet maybe those most unsettled by this found time are the procrastinators among us. The ones who say at least once a day, “I should (fill in the blank) but I’m too busy.” Hello! Now’s the time. (Unless you are suddenly homeschooling children while working from home. You may just want to stop reading now because you don’t have extra time!)

Yes, each of us has to decide on his or her own how to approach this indefinite pause in life as planned—and how to make the best use of our unexpected down time. That may begin by thinking of it as a gift. With that in mind, let me offer some suggestions for things to do that you may have always wanted to do anyway:
• Call an old friend you haven’t talked to in years and just hang out on the phone.
• Clean like a fiend. Spring cleaning on steroids. Get the family involved.
• Organize photos on the computer or wherever you’ve stashed them.
• Look at gardening catalogs and get a jump on an award-winning garden!
• Have your bored kids wash their hands and write notes or draw pictures to drop off at a cloistered assisted living facility near you.
• If you have the ingredients, make a recipe you haven’t had time to make lately. (I made a banana pudding I haven’t made in 30 years!)
• Tackle that home improvement project! Or just find the paint and touch up the base boards.
• Remember board games, charades, and gin rummy? Even empty nester couples can benefit from shutting off screens and playing games together. And doing so could totally rejuvenate families.
• Go through your bookshelves to find those books you bought because you really wanted to read them and line them up in order of anticipation.
• We can still go outside, so take long walks. Drop surprise items on neighbors’ front porches. Sing from your balcony as they are doing in Italy!
• And to all the serious creative types among us—just do it! Finish the book. Get out the paints and the palette. Stitch the quilt. Slap the clay on the wheel. Create.

Some day in the hopefully not too distant future we will be able to look back on these weeks and see how they bonded us, refocused us on what matters most, and even restored us. Occasionally God allows something into each of our lives that causes us to “unplug” for a while. This feels more like a total power outage. But IF we are blessed to remain in good health, let’s not waste this gift of time by whining over all we can’t do. Let’s get on with what we can. Let’s listen to the still, quiet voice of God saying, “This time will be a gift to you, should you choose to accept it as such.”

Friendships and “Furships”

February 26, 2020 by Nancy 20 Comments

How would we get through life without our friends—or the fur friends we love so much? This has been a sad and silent week in our home. We had to say goodbye to our sweet cat, Molly, last week. I never realized how much her meows—with different intonations for each communication—had become such a part of the soundtrack of our lives for the past 16 years until they were gone. The silence is deafening.

Her physical absence is agonizing, too. She’s not by the door asking to go out on the deck. She’s not getting me up to feed her, or sitting on my lap early in the morning as I have my quiet time. (I’ve actually had to set an alarm this week.) She’s not sidling up to my husband Jim for some extra pats in front of the fire, or jumping from his lap to mine and back again as the three of us settle in to watch TV in the evening. She’s simply not here. And we miss our fur friend.

This is when the human friendships we have mean more than ever, however! Those friends with pets, or who have been loved by pets in the past, truly know the pain of losing a fur friend who was part of the rhythm of daily life. The first day Molly was gone a neighbor stopped by with a card, a bottle of wine, and the time to just sit and talk about Molly for a bit. A true friend.

Messages from friends on Facebook were so kind: “My heart breaks for you.” “She was such a sweet kitty.” “I’m so very sorry for your loss.” Please know that I know losing a pet doesn’t compare to losing a sibling, a parent, or a spouse. But it is a loss nonetheless, and it’s so sweet when friends come alongside to acknowledge it. A friend from afar texted, “Many, many of my best friends have had fur, and many of my best memories are of them. I’m sorry you have lost your friend. You’ll have your memories forever.” So true.

Pet therapy from my friend Beth's collie, Maisie, and her fur friend Duchess. — Pet therapy from my friend Beth’s collie, Maisie, and her fur friend Duchess.

The long phone calls that included laughter, the notes and cards that came in the mail, the friend who invited me over for some sympathy licks from her dog, all of it helped this week. And all of it underscored the fact that we need one another.

It didn’t surprise me to read that a new book by science journalist Lydia Denworth, Friendship: The Evolution, Biology, and Extraordinary Power of Life’s Fundamental Bond, includes research proving that friendship is not only good for our emotional health but for our physical health as well. Bottom line: People with at least one good friend tend to live longer, happier lives. No surprise, but good to have the scientific confirmation.

So cherish your human friends and your fur friends—nurture your friendships and your “furships.” Give of yourself generously, and you will be so very blessed in return.

My Bird of “Pray”

January 20, 2020 by Nancy 12 Comments

It’s been fun to receive suggestions on Facebook from friends trying to help me identify this majestic bird of prey that visited me early last Tuesday morning. Best guesses are that he is a young Cooper’s Hawk or a Red Tail Hawk, but one friend suggested clearly he was a falcon who flew over from the Air Force Academy nearby (Go Falcons!) Some bird-minded friends even turned to their guide books and posted photos to substantiate their guesses. I am still not sure exactly what species of bird he is, but I know he is magnificent—and that he brought me a message.

I have a real-life, not Facebook, friend who believes that whenever she sees a bird of prey soaring overhead or perched in a tree nearby it’s bringing her a message from God. I guess I thought of this as just a harmless, sweet sentiment that I indulged until it happened to me in 2008. It was soon after my mother passed away and I was driving to the San Luis Valley to visit family. “Lord,” I prayed, “I trust my mom is with you, but I miss her so much. I just wish you could send me a sign that all is well with her.”

I was listening to Alan Jackson’s CD of his mom’s favorite hymns at top volume as I drove. Just as I reached the crest of La Veta Pass, “I’ll Fly Away” came on—the song we sang at my mother’s graveside. I looked to my right, and a hawk seemed to have caught the draft of my car and was gliding right beside me for what seemed to be 10 seconds or more. As I looked at him he turned his head to look at me through the passenger side window. I had my sign.

And then there was last week. I had just finished my quiet time that morning with a time of prayer that concluded with an earnest request for God’s help. I opened my eyes, lifted my head, looked out onto our deck, and there this remarkable bird sat, turning his head almost upside down quizzically as he gazed back at me.

You see, I’ve been working for months on completing volume two of my devotional guide for seniors, The Hope of Glory. I write one lesson a week and take it to class with a group of ladies in assisted living on Wednesday morning. The ladies help me tweak the lesson and the interactive questions included. In this way each lesson is “field tested” before final inclusion in the book.

Like many self-directed writers, I work best with a writing schedule. I only have 15 of the 57 lessons needed for the book left to go, so my plan was to fill out the schedule with all the remaining topics as my blueprint for finishing the job—but I couldn’t come up with any. I was stymied. So in my prayer time I asked God, the Creator of all, to please give me His ideas on what I should be writing about, and by the way, to please help me finish the lesson I was working on for the next day, appropriately titled “God is Enough.”

God did help me finish the lesson last week, but none too soon. I told myself that if I wasn’t happy with it by 8:15 the next morning, the time I needed to hop in the shower in order to get to class on time, I would just use a lesson from the first book instead. I successfully wrapped it up at 8:14. God loves to have fun with deadlines!

It was after class that day that I began to realize that my bird of prey had really been a bird of “pray!” I was sitting at a stoplight on my way home, thinking about nothing in particular, when I clearly heard the message deep in my spirit: “Fan the Flame.” That brought to mind a verse in 2 Timothy 1:6-7—For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. I knew I had the topic for the next lesson.

To be very clear, I worship the Creator, not Creation, but I do believe He can use His creation to speak to us. The bird, the writing schedule, the lesson for that day, the new topic suggestion, suddenly I was able to connect them all into one strong message. God was letting me know, “Yes, I am going to help you finish this book, but you will have to be totally dependent on me. And by the way, I am not going to fill out your writing schedule in advance. I will give you each topic week-by-week, and we will finish it together on my timetable, not yours.”

Thank you for this encouraging message, Lord, and thank you for sending your majestic creature to deliver it to me.